I am not happy in my marriage


July 26, 2016

Dear Pastor,

My husband and I are the same age. We are in our 50s and have lived together for a long time. I have been very good to him.

Our children are upset with the treatment that I give him, and he treats me like I am not worthy.

We both work. I try to be independent, but at times my money cannot reach to do what I want and I have to quarrel to get spousal support.

He doesn't even want to give the kids pocket money, and he works like there is no tomorrow.

I can't even relax beside him much less have decent bed work with him.

He is a snake with two heads. He got a woman from his workplace pregnant, and he takes care of that family like they are his first.

He runs to their aid with just the sound of this woman's sigh. I have done for this man what no other woman would ever consider doing in this day and age. At times my children malice me for going out on a limb.

Because of his behaviour, I do not make love to him often. I have stopped trying to have sex with him often. I have found out that he still sleeps with this woman and has been in another relationship at his workplace again.

He works mostly at nights and Pastor, I believe this man is sleeping at his co-worker's house and she lives further from the workplace than I do.

Do you think I should divorce this man? I am very unhappy right now, and I won't lie to you, Sir. I have considered suicide a lot of times, but the thought that we have children together has caused me to have second thoughts.

I know that they, too, would do something drastic. I keep telling myself to wait until they are all grown and are out of my life and on their own.

My family thinks he is the right person for me and they do believe that if I am very miserable and he is with me for so long, therefore he must be doing something right for the relationship to last so long.

I am miserable, of course, but for my rights. I can't have him taking advantage of me and I just sit back. Never!! To be truthful, I think I would kill him if ever he gives me a disease as he doesn't want to wear a condom when we have sex.

Pastor, what should I do? He does not want me to live the way I want to live and often I get offers to live elsewhere or to leave the island and don't return, but I don't have a visa. There are places I can go that don't require a visa.

I want to be independent and not have anyone do the same to me again. Help me.


Dear P.A.,

It seems to me that you are not working, staying at home, and are very miserable. If you are unemployed, you are getting money from somewhere.

Perhaps it is from the man with whom you are living. Perhaps you don't consider what he is giving you is enough. You do need to go out and work or do something at the home that can assist you to earn some money.

Some women do not go out and work, but they put items on their verandas or at their gates and people who are passing would stop and buy.

Life is not so boring for such persons. It helps them to keep occupied. Any woman who doesn't have money is miserable.

If you're not having a good relationship with this man, suicide is not the answer.

Both of you should go and see a family counsellor and try to resolve the problems you are having in the relationship.


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