Should I leave or should I say?


December 15, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am a 28-year-old ambitious young woman with a lot of capabilities. However, I have fallen in love with a 34-year-old man who basically has little, but I went along with him because I saw potential in him.

I eventually moved in with him, his mother and siblings. I used to contribute to the household but stopped after realising that they were not contributing, even though they are working.

We have been together for approximately four years and got engaged one year ago, but we are yet to set a date for our wedding.

Upon mentioning our future in a conversation, his response to me was that he has his family and responsibilities so we could not save together as yet.

Obviously, I am not considered as a part of his family and I am at a point where I am considering if I should consider getting married anymore.

Please note that I am hesitant because he was there for me when I was ill (even though I paid my own bills).

My family is very disappointed to know that I made this choice to stick with this man because they know I can do better.

At the moment, things are hard but he does not care whether I eat or not.

I am trying not to focus too much on the bad but instead his good qualities. I am fed up. I moved from a fairly comfortable home to his and now I am regretting it.

I can always go back home but it is a bit difficult as I care a lot about him. Should I leave him or stay?


Dear C.M.,

The fundamental mistake you made was to go to live with this man at his mother and his siblings' home. You have no right there.

He should not have encouraged you to go there and you should have been smart enough not to go there.

You were not going to his house; you were joining a big family. And that was a very stupid thing to do. This man was not married to you. So why were you 'wrapping up' with them?

This man has not put you first in his life. His mother and his siblings are first in his life.

What he is doing is to eat whatever you can provide and make sure that his mother is doing all right.

You are only making it easier for them to live by what you have provided for the house.

You should not be thinking about marrying this man. You should try to get out of his parents' house and return to your parents' home.

After four years, he has told you that he is not interested in having an account with you so that both of you can live and work as a family.

I am putting it to you that you would do much better without this man. Your relatives know that, but the only person who is having a hard time in figuring that out is you.

He gave you moral support when you were ill, but he was not able to help you pay your bills. Shame on him! Wake up, my dear, you are sleeping.

It is time to pack your bags and return to your parents' home. If you do not wish to go back to your parents, rent an apartment and live on your own.

You are a good woman. A good man will come your way, but tell this man that it is over between the both of you.


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