My mother told me my husband was cheating


May 29, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 years old and I have two children for a man. When I had the first child I was 27. He promised that we would get married. I was working at the time. After I had the baby, I wasn't keeping in good health, so I left the job.

He was taking care of everything. My parents are poor. When my baby was six months old, I moved in with him. My mother used to come during the day and help me.

One day, my mother told me that she suspected that my boyfriend has another girl. I told her that was not so and that she was just dreaming. She said she overheard my boyfriend talking on the phone, and she said it must be a woman he was talking to because he was calling her 'Honey' and telling her that he would see her on the weekend.

I kept that in the back of my head. On the Friday night, I asked my boyfriend to take me to see a play on the Saturday night. He asked me why I didn't tell him earlier because he and the boys were going out to play dominoes. That evening, I wasn't interested to see any play, pastor, I wanted to find out where he was going. I told him that I don't have to go to the play, but I want to come with him because we haven't gone out for a long time.

He told me I couldn't come. I told him I know why, and he said the only reason is because he doesn't want his woman to be around so many men, where they will be drinking and cursing expletives, etc. I told him that was not the reason. I told him that the reason was because he wanted to be with his woman. That brought a big argument between us.


He did not go anywhere. I told him that it was my mother who heard him talking on the phone, and it sounded like he was talking to a woman. He said he was going to ask my mother. I wanted him to ask her, but he didn't. They are very good friends, pastor, and my mother would never lie on him.

He told me the truth. It was a young lady he met at a financial institution one of the places that give fast loans. He said they never had sex, but they had planned to do it on that weekend.

Every time my mother asks me if I asked him, I lie to my mother and tell her she was wrong. Do you think I should tell her that I asked him and I found out the truth?

I got pregnant that very night when my boyfriend and I had an argument. I thumped him first, and he slapped me and told me to behave and I scratched him up. Then we started to kiss and we had make-up sex, and I got pregnant.

I always wanted to have a nice wedding and to wear a white dress. Now, whenever I talk about getting married, this man says I must wait because he is not ready. But I am tired of waiting.

Please tell me what to do.


Dear M.L.,

I suspect that this man cannot afford the type of wedding that you have dreamed of, so that is why he is not eager to marry you. I would hate to think that he is not eager to marry you because he is having another relationship.

Your mother overheard him talking to another woman, but, according to you, both of you made up. So everything should be all right now. I would suggest that you try your best to get a job and support yourself financially. And save your money so that whenever this man is ready to get married to you, you will be able to get the type of wedding you have always dreamed of.

I wish both of you well.


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