Afraid my dad will find out I'm no longer a virgin

by

June 03, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and living with my parents. I am not a Christian but my Jamaican boyfriend is a Christian. My parents have four of us but I am the only girl.

My father doesn't want me to talk to any Jamaican man. He says that under our religion, he has to protect me from men, and the first man I should have sex with should be my husband and of my race.

I am not allowed to go to parties or functions where there is Jamaican music and things like that. I used to rebel and argue with my father but I have stopped because it wasn't doing any good.

And even when my mother disagrees with him, she doesn't openly say so because she is afraid of him.

I have been secretly seeing this Jamaican guy. He is very understanding. He knows what I am going through at home. He told me I should not be afraid. I love my parents, especially my father.

But I love my boyfriend too, and I can only marry a man I love. I know I am going to be in trouble if my father found out that I am no longer a virgin.

My boyfriend and I have had sex five times. Twice it happened while my father was drunk and was out cold. My mother was exhausted and went to bed.

I slipped away with my boyfriend, spent two hours with him, and when I came back he was still sleeping.

My father told me that when I am ready for a man, he would take me back to where we are from and leave me there. I do not want anyone to choose for me. I like this Jamaican guy, but I know my people will never accept him.

I have a plan and every time I think about my plan, my boyfriend tells me that we should not put that plan in effect because my father will never forgive me.

Pastor, give me your advice. If I do what my mind is telling me to do, my parents will never see me again.

B.F.

Dear B.F.,

I regret hearing that your parents will never accept the man you love to be your husband.

Many people do not seem to know that there are indeed folks living in this country who, on religious grounds, do not encourage their children to get married to persons of different faith.

You have discovered that love is much more powerful than religious customs and dogma. I know that some children, especially young females, rebel and go against their parents.

Some of these marriages end up in divorce because the parents never accepted the spouses of these children, and disinherited them.

As the children become older, they realise that their parents were leaving them out in the cold, so they dumped their husbands or their wives and asked their parents to forgive them.

You have the right to choose whoever you wish to be your husband. You are an adult and you should talk to your father about the way you feel.

But, you should also let others of your relatives and in your religion know what you have decided to do. By informing them, that is a way to protect yourself and your spouse from getting hurt by your father.

Pastor

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