My husband divorced me for an American
I am a regular listener to your radio programme. I have a big problem. I am married, but my husband is living in America. He went away and left me with two children. The first child was 10 years old and the other was 12. He has never been back to Jamaica.
He has been away for 11 years. For 10 years I have gone without a man. I used to cry. After he was away for seven years, he told me that he was giving up because the only way for him to come back was for us to divorce each other, then he will get married and then divorce the American woman and return to Jamaica and marry me. I was against that.
My husband told me that he wasn't having sex with anyone at all. I believed him until, one year ago, he told me that he was no longer in love with me and he believes that he was punishing me for too long.
I have not seen anybody who can take my husband's place, but he has finally divorced me. But the woman he married does not want to leave him, although the agreement was she would divorce him after one year. But now she wants to stay with him. Now she is sleeping at his house.
I asked him if he is having sex and he says he cannot help it. She is forcing him to do it. I have a male friend. He lost his wife by death. He is 20 years older than I am. I am in my 40s and he is putting argument to me. I find it so funny that my daughters are making a big joke of it.
But, Pastor, I need the help. I haven't told my ex-husband that this man likes me. Do you think I should give it a thought?
I have my own house, but he has his own place, too, and he doesn't have children.
I suggest that you seriously consider marrying this much older man if you are in love with him. You have given your husband the best years of your life, so to speak. In fact, you have not just given him, you have wasted them, hoping that he will return to you.
You are in your 40s, and your children are in their 20s. You might as well become an old man's darling and enjoy the rest of your years with him. It shouldn't matter to you what your critics might say. You know what you have gone through.
I rather suspect that you are not telling me the whole truth in your letter. I can't understand why a man can leave his wife for so many years, always promising that he will return. And after so many years, he is telling her Anancy story about another woman. Forget him. Wish him well.
I am sure that your daughters want you to be happy. In fact, you deserve to be happy. So if this older gentleman will bring extra happiness in your life, go for it and don't look back.
You might have to pledge to take care of his health. And if you help him, you will have him around for a long time. That's how I see it.