My parents don't like my older boyfriend


June 20, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I started reading your column from a tender age, and I sincerely appreciate how you do your best in advising all your writers.

I'm 19 years old and I live on my own. I'm a professional in a well-known company. My boyfriend is 14 years my senior, and I do believe I'm deeply in love with him. We've been together a year now, and he has been the most beautiful man I've ever known. However, we are not living together.

He rented me an apartment when my mother decided she wanted me out of her house because I was dating him. She also said I'm worshipping the devil, and I have demons in me. I fear the Lord, pastor. I have been studying the bible since primary school days, so how could I worship the devil? I'm not baptised, however, I love and respect both my parents, and so I did as I was ordered. You may ask what my father's said. He's abroad and he takes any pill my mother gives him. He has no interest in hearing how his child feels.

Now that I'm working, I told my boyfriend I wanted to play a part and so we both contribute to the rent. He visits and only God knows how much I miss him sometimes. I wish we could be closer. He doesn't own a vehicle, so he either takes public transport here or he has a friend drop him.

He isn't rich, and I accept him just the way he is. He has never raised a hand at me. He cooks for me, and he makes me feel like I am the only woman in the world. I can actually go to him and talk to him about anything that's bothering me, whether in my everyday life or work life. I feel safe around him. I feel at home. He has a seven-year-old daughter who he supports financially and takes her whenever he can. I really admire his paternal qualities as well.

He teaches me things not even my parents did. I guess my mother didn't want him doing that. She was afraid of me seeing a different world than what she taught me.

I've been wholeheartedly loyal and committed to this man. I'm a confident and beautiful young lady. Men lust and 'psst' after me, but not one of them has the qualities this man has. Pastor, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And I might be young and inexperienced, but I'm growing and I will learn. I pray every day to the Lord for his health and mine. He has a physical problem.

He has said many times that he wants me to be his wife. He says he's just 'waiting for the right time and the right moment'. I told him I don't like big weddings - I'm just not a fan. He expresses his love for me daily, even after a year. It's not that I'm rushing to get married. I would gratefully accept counselling as well before doing so.

I was a bright scholar, and I graduated with honours, so I so intend to go back to school to do something else, as one of my dreams is to become a motivational speaker, particularly to the female gender.

I would appreciate your advice.

- R.S

Dear R.S

As I read your letter I said to myself, if anything should go wrong with you, your mother would have to accept the blame because it was her fault which caused you to be on your own at a very young age. She insisted that she had the right to choose for you. She does not like your man. She considers that he is too old for you, and that he is not in your class, so to speak.

Although, this man has a good job, your mother evidently would rather see you with someone who is in a better job in which he would make much more money. I am glad you think highly of this man. You are very fortunate to have met a man who is not pretending that he loves you, but show his love by his actions. I hope that you would continue to be true to him and that he would do the same.

Do not abandon your mother. Continue to love her. Make sure that you are always in touch with both parents. I also would love to urge you to go back to school as you have indicated. Take care of yourself. You are a very fortunate young woman.

- Pastor

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