My mother doesn't want me at her funeral


June 24, 2017

Dear pastor,

I am a 40-year-old male living with my fiancEe and two children. My mother has six of us five sons and one daughter but she only loves the daughter and not her sons.

She goes around and tells people bad things about us. She doesn't like our girlfriends and she even turned our sister, who is the eldest of all, against us. We are in good jobs and will do our best for her, but she won't take anything from us, only from her daughter.

Now she is trying to turn the rest of the family against us. She doesn't even like our kids, only that of her daughter. I just don't know what else to do. I am doing my best, but nothing seems to work. We are all of different fathers.

She doesn't even want us to visit her, nor to talk to her. She even told us that when she dies we better not come to her funeral or else we will be sorry. I pray she will change to be a loving and caring person some day soon.


Dear O.M.,

Your mother gave birth to five boys, but perhaps if it were possible, she would have preferred to have all girls. Perhaps men have not been good to her, and when she sees her sons, she remembers how badly their fathers have treated her. She may say to herself, "I have not been lucky with the fathers of these guys and they all are like their fathers."

Your mother might not be at peace with herself. She doesn't need to be criticised or condemned by her male children. Each of you guys should try your best to show her love. May I ask these questions: how do you show appreciation to your mother? Have you ever had a party for her? Is she comfortable in the house in which she lives? Have you ever spent Mother's Day with her? Are her bills paid?

You claim that she doesn't like your kids. Have you taught your children to respect your mother? If you have said negative things about your mother in the presence of your children, they will not respect her. Your mother may appear to be miserable, but you should endeavour to reach out to her and show her love.

Your sister has a good relationship with your mother. So each of you guys should check yourselves and begin to behave as sons. If your attitude towards your mother changes, her attitude may change towards you.


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