No longer trust my wife


July 12, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I need your advice. I am 30 years old. I got married two years ago. My wife is good-looking. She is 25.

She used to live with her sister and she had a relationship with her sister's fiancE, but I didn't know that. It is only recently I found out.

Because of what she did, her sister doesn't talk to her. I asked her if what her sister said about her is true and she said no. Her sister's husband and herself never had sex, but they were very close, and one evening her sister saw her husband and herself hugging up and they were kissing, and her sister asked her to leave.

The sister told all her relatives that she was trying to take away her man. I left it there. She didn't want me to question her anymore.

My wife is still not pregnant. We all met up at her mother's home over the Easter period and my wife's sister asked me how come I haven't got my wife pregnant as yet, and I told her that I am waiting.

She said that she hopes that for my sake she will get pregnant. She asked me if my wife didn't tell me that she had got pregnant by her husband and she did an abortion.

Since I heard that, I see my wife as a big hypocrite and a liar. If she had got pregnant and had an abortion, she should have told me and allowed me to make the decision whether I should marry her or not.

I do not know what to believe. My wife is saying that she got pregnant, but it was not for her sister's husband. And she said she lost the baby, it was a miscarriage.

I don't know how to believe her. It's been two years now we are married and we don't use any protection and she can't get pregnant. Please for your advice.


Dear S.K.

The question that I would love to ask you is simply this, do you love your wife? If you do, put all the negative things that you have heard of her out of your mind and try to build a good relationship with her.

You have not got married to a perfect and sinless young women. But love brought the both of you together and you should endeavour to stay with each other.

All the things you have heard so far about your wife took place before both of you were married. So don't allow anyone to destroy your marriage.

I want you to know that this young woman didn't have to tell you that she had a man or that she had a miscarriage.

A woman is not under any obligation to tell everything about her past, nor does a man.

You said that her sister enquired from you at a family function how is it that you have not got her sister pregnant as yet, and you told her that you are waiting for the right time.


It is likely that your sister-in-law wanted you to know that her husband and your wife might have had a sexual encounter. She did not have to tell you that. I don't consider her a good sister. Perhaps she did so to create problems between your wife and you.

Now I understand why you felt that you had to ask her because what her sister might be trying to tell you is that your wife had an abortion, so she might never be able to get pregnant again.

I hope that she will get pregnant again. Your wife said that it was not her brother-in-law who got her pregnant. If you want to be happy with your wife, tell her now that you have heard so many things, she should come clean and tell you everything, then both of you can move on together.

Concerning your desire to impregnate her, both of you should consult doctors and follow their instructions.


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