Why didn't he sleep with me?


July 26, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old girl and I have a problem that I would like to tell you about. I have a boyfriend who is 22.

I met him a year ago. He is well-built and he goes to the gym twice a week. Since I met him, he has never asked me for sex, which I find strange.

When I first met him, he was boarding. He told me he could not take me to where he was boarding because the woman is a Christian and she doesn't want him to take any woman to her house.

I carried on with him and one night we decided to go out. He borrowed his friend's car and after the event, I tried to encourage him to take me home but he reminded me that he couldn't.

Pastor, I had already set it up with the girl I am sharing a room with. She went to spend the night with her girlfriend so we would have privacy.

I did not tell him that the girl I am living with would not be there. He decided to come home with me.

I went into the bathroom and freshened up and came out in a sexy lingerie. His eyes popped and he got up immediately and told me that since I want to sleep, he was going to leave.

I told him I did not want to sleep, I wanted him. I tried to unbutton his shirt, but he wouldn't allow me at first. I kissed him and tried to pull him into my bedroom, but he wouldn't move.

Everything I did to get this man to make love to me did not work. I played with his breasts and with his private parts, but he did not even have an erection.

When he sat down, I tried to go down on him, but that did not work. He pushed me away. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. He told me he is still a virgin.

He asked me for the bathroom and I showed him. When I went to see what was the problem, he refused to use the bathroom because I was standing there watching him.

He came out of the bathroom, took up the keys for the car and left.

I told him not to call me again. No man has ever rejected me this way. I don't know him to be a Christian, so why couldn't we have sex?

Tell me, pastor, what did I do wrong? I have tried to call him, but he does not respond to any of my calls.


Dear W.L.,

I can't tell you that I understand fully what went on between yourself and the man, but I will tell you that I know that as a counsellor, your experience is not unusual.

Men have been friendly with women for years and not had sexual intercourse with them, and it is not that these men were suffering from erectile dysfunction.

So, women have complained how disappointed they have been with these men and how they have tried their very best, doing things to attract these men and yet these men have not shown any interest.

A man doesn't have to tell a woman why he doesn't want to have sex with her. One girl that I counselled said after the man refused to have sex with her, she felt like he was 'gone the other way', but she was wrong.

This man eventually got married to another woman and they have children. So what was the problem then?

It could be that he did not love her and therefore refused to be intimate with her. He probably had high Christian morals.

Perhaps this young man does not love you and he has good morals. Therefore, he does not want to have sex with you and give you the impression that both of you have a future together.

You came on very strong and perhaps he considered you to be too easy to get. You should apologise to him for the way you conducted yourself; and I hope that you have learnt that not every man is seeking sex from women when they are dating.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories