Raising my husband's child thinking she is his niece


August 02, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 41 years old and I am having a problem which I consider a serious one. I have been married for 15 years. My husband and I have two children. He is 46 years old. Before I got married, my husband told me that he did not have any children. Then, later on, he told me that his brother had a child that he is responsible for, because his brother did not want his wife to know that he got a woman pregnant, otherwise she would leave him. The child's mother could not keep the baby. He asked me if we can take the child and I said yes. We didn't have any for ourselves as yet.

He said all his relatives know about the matter. I didn't have any reason to doubt him. When we got married, the child came to live with us. The little girl has been a good help to me. I took her as my own. She is doing very well in school. Her mother and I used to talk and she often confided in me. She told me that she wouldn't have been able to take care of this child as well as I have done.


I have been so stupid. I trusted my husband so much. One family member recently told me that the child I thought was my husband's niece is not his niece, she is his daughter. The name of the father of the child is not on the child's birth certificate. I begged my husband to tell me the truth and he is still saying that he is not the father of the child. He and the child's mother are very close. When she needs his help, he helps her. I had no reason to object when he goes by her or when he takes the child there. I never suspected them of having an affair.

Now that my eyes are open, I don't want him to go back to her house. I asked the child's mother who is the real father of the child and she cursed me. I told my husband we must give the child back to her. He said we can't do that. I didn't mean it, because I will miss her dearly. Even the brother he told me he was trying to protect is not answering his phone when I call him. I am so angry.


Dear C.M.,

This is not the first time that brothers have tried to protect each other in this manner. Somebody wanted you to know the truth. They felt you were in the dark for too long, so they told you that this young girl is your husband's biological daughter. He should have told you, you would not have killed him. You might have scratched up his back and thumped him up in the bedroom, but I doubt you would have left him. Please, don't give up that child. She is a darling to you and one day she will know the full truth, and so will you.

You need not worry about your husband not telling you the truth, and you have got to love the child as if she had come out of your own womb. Perhaps your husband should just admit that he had got this woman pregnant, but was afraid to tell you the truth. Both of you should make an appointment to go and see a family counsellor. Try your best to keep your marriage going.


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