My babymother is too lazy


August 04, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I thank you for the great job that you are doing as a counsellor. I would like you to give me some advice. I have been living with my babymother for three years. She is on extended leave without pay, so I am carrying the burden of the house. She said she has not been feeling well since she had the baby. When I go home from work, I have to wash, cook and clean. Sometimes at nights, I have to be washing.

One of my sisters used to come and help my babymother with the housework, but she stopped coming. When I asked her why, she told me that my babymother is lazy, and she is on the computer all day. And when she is not on the computer, she is chatting on her phone.

My sister told me that she suggested that my babymother goes back to work, and she told my sister that she does not want to go back to the same place, but she has not told me that.

She is now twice the size of when I met her. Some people told me that it looks as if she has tied me to her because my belly is getting bigger and bigger.


Anything I say to her about her appearance, she tells me it is because I have other women why I find all these faults about her. I don't have other women. I am only concerned about her. I don't put anything pass her, but I know if anything happens to me, my relatives will take care of my child.

When I asked her why she doesn't want to go to work, she said the people where she works are not nice and nothing is wrong if I take care of her, because when I wasn't working she supported me, and when she is ready she will go back to work.

I know my sister is not lying about her.


Dear S.K.,

If this woman is not ill, you should insist that she goes back to work. If she doesn't want to work at the same place, she ought to resign and seek another job. You ought not to be killing yourself doing everything. That is not wise.

Another thing, some women put on lots of weight during pregnancy. They try to give the impression that their men should accept it and never talk about it. Yes, a woman may gain lots of weight after she becomes pregnant, but after she has given birth, she should try to bring her weight under control. If she doesn't, she will get bigger and bigger. Don't feel guilty because you talked to her about her weight.


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