My husband treats me like crap


August 15, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem with my husband. My husband spends eight to nine months away from me and I have to beg him to let us have some quality time on the phone.

He told me that he doesn't have any time for that and that he can't bear the thought of looking at me, and not being able to touch me but yet he's always flirting with other women and watching 'blues'.

Whenever I ask him what he does after watching these movies, he said he doesn't watch them. When I ask him why he always flirts with other women and not me, he asks why he needs to flirt with me and if it's because he's married that his life should stop.

I feel so hurt inside; he's always telling me things to hurt my feelings. He said that he needs a child and I told him that I can't get pregnant in these conditions because he doesn't know how to talk to me.

Second, he is not here most of the year and I will be alone through all of this. His response was, I'm driving so I don't have to walk and all kinds of bull.

Sometimes I don't even like to remember the things that he says to me. I told him that I don't ask for much, all I need is to be happy; he said to me that I'm looking for a fairy-tale relationship and that doesn't exist anymore.


I'm dying inside. I told him that I need a divorce. He said that I can prepare the papers and he will sign them when he gets home.

I really want to work on my marriage, but my husband don't believe in counselling, and he feels like he can just walk over me and I'm to just sit back and enjoy the ride.

I told him that I didn't sign up for this and that I didn't marry for opportunity; I married him because I love him. But, I'm tired of mending my heart and crying myself to sleep; and he has no remorse for what he has done.

I keep asking him why he got married if he wasn't ready to settle down. Please, reply. I really need someone to talk to.

I thought my husband and I were going to be best friends and we could talk about any and everything, smile together, laugh, and disagree to agree. But that isn't the case here.

All I do is work and go to school. I don't party, I don't drink. I'm a homely person. I go to church, but I am not baptised.

When I tell my husband that we need to be baptised and try to live right with the Lord, he says that I can go ahead, but he's not ready.

I just need to be happy and all my husband has to say about that is I have to make myself happy, so I'm going to try and do so.


Dear S.C.,

Your husband has a point. You have to make yourself happy. Happiness is a choice. Evidently, your husband is very happy.

He sees you as a woman who is trying to make his life very miserable. You are trying to force him to do what he does not want to do.

You know he likes to look at his X-rated movies. You need not question him about what he does after looking at them; he is going to lie to you.

May I suggest that you try to plan your week intelligently and make sure that you go out every week, perhaps to see a play or to the movies. If you don't plan time for yourself, life will be very boring.

I don't know why your husband has to be away, but whenever he comes back, both of you should try your best to make arrangement to see a family counsellor.

Don't threaten your husband about divorcing him. Instead, try to go to where he is and spend time with him.


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