Nobody wants to see us together


August 18, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years of age; I will be 18 soon. I am a graduate from a prominent high school in Jamaica who is planning to attend college. I have a problem. I have been seeing this guy who is 26 years old, and nobody wants to see us together. Things were going well. At first, the guy would come by my house, and we would sit and talk in the presence of my mother and he would leave at a certain time.

This guy and I aren't involved in a sexual way, but we would kiss sometimes. He makes me very comfortable. This is where the problem comes in. People started a rumour that his first girlfriend was bearing a child for him. My mother heard the story and confronted him. He denied it. She, however, told him he should stop seeing me. We tried to fix things, and he started coming to see me again. Things were going OK. We had a few ups and downs, but then they brought a different story to my mother, saying that he had a child which he disowned.

Pastor, this caused my mother to turn against him, and she is saying I should end the relationship with him. I love him and I don't know what to do. It's causing me to have an emotional breakdown.

Please give me your advice.


Dear S.W.,

I am going to make suggestions to you, and I hope that you would accept what I say. I want you to know that I do not doubt that you love your boyfriend. You are 17 years old, and perhaps this is your first love. Your mother allows this man to come to your house to visit you. Some mothers wouldn't want their daughters to have a male visitor at all, so I hail your mother for being very wise. But, listen, she loves you and she wants the best for you.

She believes that she should protect you. She doesn't want to know that the man you love is promiscuous and that he has other women, while giving you the impression that the only woman in his life is you. She wants you to attend university and get a good education. So, when she talks to you about this man and she tells you that you should end the relationship with him, she means no harm. She is saying that this is not the type of man you should have in your life as you plan for your future.


Therefore, I beg you to listen to her. This man is saying that all the things that you have heard are not true. The rumour is that he fathered a child and that another is on the way. Let me ask you this question, why is it that you do not believe that this man has fathered a child and that he will soon have a second child? Am I to understand that you do not believe it because he told you that people are lying on him and that he loves you so much that he would not get involved with other women?

You see, my dear, your mother knows what men are capable of doing much more than you. So, I am begging you, please listen to your mother. She will not lead you astray. Don't hide and go out with this man. If you love him, keep that in your heart, and time will reveal whether this man is fooling you. Tell your mother to deal with the matter while you lie low. Love you, my darling. I wish you well as you go to study at university.


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