My man ignores my calls when he's around his wife


August 21, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for a while now, and I really appreciate the great advice you have been giving to people. I am 21 years old and my boyfriend is 33 years old. We have been in a relationship for one year and 11 months. Throughout that time, we have had our ups and downs, but we managed to work it out in the end.

He lives in England and has four kids two are with their mother, and the other two with his wife. I met him in Jamaica in 2015, and from there on we got in a relationship.

This man told me that he was married from the get-go, but that he and his wife were separated and he was getting a divorce. There was evidence to support what he was saying, so I believed him. He claimed that his wife is still helping him to get his papers, despite the fact that they aren't together, and so he has to put up pictures of both of them on Facebook pictures on special occasions like her birthday and on their anniversary. He says that he has to do it because the immigration there will check up on your Facebook profile to see if you and your partner are still together, because once you send in the documents, you can't change it and say that you are getting a divorce.

Each time my boyfriend and I get into a big argument, it always has to do with her. He says his wife is very wicked and spiteful. She always want him to do her favours because she is the one who is helping him to get his citizenship in England. Because of his wife, we can't be bold with our relationship neither on social media nor around his relatives.

Last August, he came to Jamaica but not alone. He came with his wife and her relatives. He claims that his wife's cousin invited him to her wedding in Trinidad and his wife is going along with their kids. He told me that her cousin's honeymoon will be in Negril, and he has to accompany his wife and her family to Jamaica because they aren't familiar with Jamaica.

When he got to Jamaica I was not aware, because during the time he was in Trinidad with her, he didn't call or text me to let me know when he was leaving to come here. One day, I was at home and my phone rang; surprisingly, it was his cousin on the line. She said she heard from his brother that my boyfriend was in Negril with his wife, so she was wondering how come I didn't tell her that he was in the country.


Pastor, I was so surprised that he was in the country for more that five days and I didn't know. Anyway, when her family went back to Trinidad, he visited me at my house. We had a big argument over the matter, and I forgave him when he explained himself.

Since he went back to England last August, his attitude has changed drastically. He stopped calling and texting me on a regular basis, and he claims it's because of work. Every time I talk to him about giving me attention, he blames it on work or on the phone, saying it's not working properly. Most times, I see that he is online on WhatsApp. He sent me some pictures recently, and I noticed that he had his wedding ring on. When I asked him why he continues to wear his ring, he didn't answer.

Now we hardly communicate. I used to call and text his phone every day, but I noticed that whenever I call or text his phone, he doesn't answer. It's going on two weeks now since I haven't heard from this man and I'm confused about what to do. I'm confused because I really love him, and I want to settle down and get married one day and have a family of my own.

Please, advise me on what to do. I'm awaiting your respond.


Dear A.D.,

It is taking you a long time to realise that this man is not speaking the truth. This man is very much with his wife and children. He has no intention of leaving his wife. He does not want to tell you the truth because he doesn't want you to leave him. Whenever he comes to Jamaica, he wants to know that you are there for him.

But, my dear, this relationship is not going anywhere. Tell this man to get lost. If you have money, go on a weekend with a couple of your girlfriends and try to get over this man. If you don't have any money, stay in your room and bawl and ask God to make you wiser. But don't hate all men because of this wicked brute.


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