He told me that I am better than his wife


August 28, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am a mother of three and I am working with a family, but the woman of the house is never home. I am living with my mother. I am her only daughter. She is not well. She can't go out and work, so what I earn, I have to use it to support her and the children.

Only one of the fathers of these children helps me. He has other children, so I don't get a lot of money from him. When I need something extra from him, I have to sweet him up and promise him something.

I stopped myself from having more children, so I don't worry about him getting me pregnant again. He is a man who throws partner, so when he gets his draw, he gives me money to put away to help send his daughter to school. I always tell him that I put some of the money away, but it is not always true. I have to spend some of the money on the other children. He is such a sweet lover, but he said he can't marry me because he is not the marrying type.

All my children love him. When he comes around, he brings gifts for everybody, not just for his child. He loves my mother because she is a June woman and he said every woman who is born in June is a good woman.

He went away on farm work and he found a woman up there. Now she is telling him that she wants to come and spend time with him, but he is living with a woman, so she can't go there. He wants me to pretend that I am his sister and let her come and stay with us.

But my mother says he should let the woman stay in a hotel. She is a Christian, she can't lie.


I am having problems on both sides because at my workplace, the man there likes me and I love him. I can't pretend that I don't love him. My mother had to do a surgery and I told him and he gave me all the money to pay the doctor. The first time we had sex, I offered it to him. He told me that I am better than his wife and she is younger. When his wife is around, I hardly talk to him. As soon as we are alone, he is all over me. Sometimes he will go out to work and come back for lunch, and after eating, we have lunchtime sex.

Don't condemn me, pastor. I love this man. I don't want any more men in my life. I used to think that I would like to get married, but my mind is changed from that. I asked the lady of the house if I could leave early to go to evening school and she said she doesn't know how that would work, because when her husband comes home, he would want his dinner. But her husband is my man, also, and he says that if she agrees, I can go. He promised to talk to her. He hasn't got back to me as yet on that.

If loving this man is wrong, I don't want to be right. I am in good hands with this man.


Dear D.K.,

Let me begin by commenting about your children and your mother. I commend you for helping your mother. The truth is, both of you are helping each other. She is assisting you with the children and you are providing for her. You have been disappointed with the men of your children, except the one who is supporting his daughter and who gives you part of his partner money.

You should try and put away some of that partner money. It is not fair to this man to make the sacrifice to give you money and you spend it on the other children. Well, if you spend some, it should not be much.

You say that this man is not the marrying type. Why, then, is this other woman coming to visit him? He should tell her that he does not have a place of his own. You should not pretend that he is your brother.

Concerning the affair that you are having with your employer, you are living dangerously, in the sense that this relationship is right in the female employer's house. Have you ever thought that something serious could happen if this woman should come home and see her husband having sex with you in the middle of the day?

It may cause a big fight and regardless of how you may try to defend yourself, she would blame you. And it is unlikely that she would leave her husband permanently. Don't misunderstand me, I know this man is very helpful to you, but you have gone too far. It would be good for you to go to evening school. I would suggest that you try to learn a skill you can use to support your children and yourself.

So far, you are playing your cards well, but I will tell you to stop, because you may draw a bad card. Tell this man that you love him very much, but both of you need to back off. You love him so much that you are always offering him sex. Don't encourage him to come home when he should be at work.


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