Womanising boyfriend doesn't like using condoms

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September 02, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I read your column every opportunity I get, and I enjoy reading it. I have learnt a lot. I am 21 years old, and I have been going with this guy for two years. He got himself into a little problem, but I stayed with him although I did not have to continue the relationship.

A girl accused him of raping her, but he said he did not rape her. He said the sex that they had was consensual, and it was not the first time they were having sex. She had a boyfriend, and the boyfriend found out that my boyfriend and herself were good friends. He asked her if she ever had sex with my boyfriend and she said she did so once, but he forced her. That is why her boyfriend told her to go to the police. That was the first time my boyfriend heard that she was raped by him.

She did not go to the police. But her boyfriend was telling everybody who knows my boyfriend that my boyfriend raped her, and he was saying she gave it to him. I almost left him, but when he explained what happened, I decided to stay. I asked my boyfriend why he had to have sex with her and I was always available, and he said he did not think I would find out.

This girl is a liar. She and I went to school together, and she wanted to get money from a married man. She lied to him and told him that she was pregnant for him, and she wanted money to do an abortion. The man told her that he would take her to a doctor to terminate the pregnancy. She said no, she wanted to go to her own doctor. The man was very smart. When she couldn't get the money from him, she told him that her period came so she was not pregnant anymore. He cursed her and left her. She was trying to get my boyfriend to pay her off to keep quiet.

My boyfriend loves girls. All the arguments that we have had are about women, and he does not like to use the condom. He told me so. I don't want to lose him, but I am afraid he will give me disease. And if I don't give him sex, he wouldn't have any problem in going to other girls.

Tell me please, Pastor, what to do about him.

O.R.

Dear O.R.,

Make up your mind what you want to do. You know the type of man you have in your life. He is not satisfied having you only, and he has refused to practise safe sex. So, if both of you continue to have sex, he can get you pregnant at any time, or worse, pass on some type of STI to you.

You have defended this guy, but it is quite evident that he is a playboy. He might be handsome, but he is conducting himself like a fool. His life doesn't have any value to him, and you should not defend a man who behaves in that manner. I repeat, his life does not mean much to him. You will be better off taking your mind off this man. If he won't behave himself, leave him. You may encourage him to go and see a family counsellor to see whether he would change his behaviour. But, he seems to be very slick, so you should watch him and protect yourself in every way.

Pastor

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