My husband's friend gives me amazing sex


September 27, 2017

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I hope you will answer this letter. I am 35 years old, and my husband is 38. My husband prefers to engage in masturbation than to have sex with me. At first, I thought he was just playing around, but he is serious about it. And because I want my marriage to last, I went along with it. I allowed him to masturbate me and I masturbate him.

We practised mutual masturbation. At first, I thought it was wrong because nothing is wrong with me, and my husband can have sex. It has been nine months now that we have not had sexual intercourse.

Mark you, I do enjoy masturbation. We do it in all forms. I told my husband that we would have a better relationship if we alternate, but every time I try to get him come on me, he demands that I help myself and help him. It is hard to explain, but I do what he wants to do because he is a good husband to me, and a good father to his children.

I have a big confession to make. Recently, I have been having an affair. This guy is a friend of my husband, and he is always teasing me about how I look juicy and asking me for some of my juice. I decided that I would take him on. I had sex with him, and although he is older than my husband, the sex was unbelievably good. We have had sex twice. I am not proud of myself because apart from him being my husband's friend, I know his wife very well. She does my hair.

You are the first person I am telling about what I am go through with my husband. I do feel for the real stuff sometimes, and that is why my husband's friend and I went to bed. When this man does not call me, I call him. He asked me last night if I was ready for more, and I said yes, but I am afraid. What should I do?


Dear A.C.,

I have observed that you are not complaining or questioning whether it is right to practise mutual masturbation. I gather from your letter that the problem you are having is that your husband prefers masturbation than the actual sexual intercourse. Masturbation in your relationship has become an alternative to coitus.

Some young couples engage in mutual masturbation for different reasons, such as the fear of getting pregnant when condoms are not available and a part of foreplay. Mutual masturbation is a skill, and counsellors or psychologists should not rush in condemning the practice because it can substitute for sexual intercourse if a partner is suffering from stress, tiredness, back problems and other ailments.

I am not here advocating for masturbation over sexual intercourse, but I am cognisant of the fact that there are times when a spouse may be suffering for a long time from physical injury and that mutual masturbation may become an alternative to sexual intercourse.

Your husband prefers both of you to masturbate. It means that that has become his preference. You do so to please him, but you are tired of it. Therefore, you have turned to cheating, and that is very unfortunate.

I want you and your husband to plan different days when both of you will practise mutual masturbation and on other days practise penetration, and only masturbate each other as a form of foreplay to stimulate each other. If you do not go back to the days when you had sexual intercourse regularly, it is likely that your marriage would be ruined.

You like to have sex. You enjoy it. But, going with another man is a route to destruction, so bring an end to that immediately. If you don't, your husband may find out that you are cheating, and he will not forgive you, and it might be the end of the marriage.


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