Can't stop giving my man 'bun'
I am 25 years old. I have a son and a daughter and both have different fathers. I'm in love with my son's father, but I can't stop cheating on him.
I was molested by four men including my father, when I was 10 years old. When I was 18 years old, I was forced to get pregnant for my daughter's dad so that he could move me to his home and away from my molesters. That happened, but he cheated on me with even our neighbour.
My son's dad took me out of that and has been very good to me. He pleases me better than the other persons I've been with, even the ones I cheated on him with. He surpasses them.
He gives me everything I want, but I think I have a problem. I always sleep with other men and stop talking to them after sex.
I've tried, and I didn't do it for a year, but as soon as I figured out he was flirting with a co-worker, I went right back to sleeping with someone else.
He often tells me that since our relationship, he has never been sexual with any other woman. But in my mind, he is cheating, so I need to have someone else just in case this doesn't work out.
Now, we are engaged, and I'm afraid that I'll ruin my relationship because I'm a player. I want to get counselling with him, but I know after he hears that I've cheated more than once, he will leave.
Pastor, please help me.
Dear Cuddle Bear,
You need to see a psychologist. You are not having sex for pleasure. You are having sex as a form of revenge. Whenever you are aware or suspect that your boyfriend is seeing another woman, you believe that the best way to punish him is to have sex with another man.
As you know, in Jamaica, we call that 'giving bun'. You are trying to hit back at your boyfriend for leaving you and going to another woman.
I am sure that this man and you have discussed his cheating. I doubt very much that you have told him that you have cheated and that that is the way you handle the matter. This man gives you everything, therefore, you are not having sex with other men because you need their help.
However, what you have suffered as a child is still affecting you and you have never received therapy. You are handling it by throwing yourself at different men.
Your father was a beast. He had sex with you, and that is still affecting you. You need therapy. So, please, I beg you, call a family counsellor and ask him/her for an appointment and they will try to help you.
In the meantime, kindly remember to read your Bible, pray, and go to church.