People think my woman is too old for me


October 17, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I am a 30-year-old man and I come from a poor family. My parents had nine of us, and they tried their very best to support us. We always went to church. My father worked hard on his farm. He could hardly read, but he was a good father. My mother worked in the farm, too. She made all my sisters' clothes.

Two of my sisters got pregnant around the same time, and space became tight when they had their babies. So relatives took them. One of my sisters claimed that she was raped, but she didn't know who raped her, so the child was registered in the family name. My parents did not make an issue out of that.

When my sister was raped, she did not report it. She said that she was ashamed. She gave birth to a boy. That was the first and only time I saw my father cry, when she told us how she was raped. If my father could have found the guy, he would have killed him.

My other sister will get married very soon. Her child's father is in college. My father has a piece of land a little distance from where we live. He told me that I can build my house on that land. I have a girlfriend, and she does not want us to get married until my house is finished.

She is working with the Government. She is five years older than I, and people are saying that I shouldn't have an older woman. Both of us are Christians.

I had another girlfriend, but we separated because she did not like my mother. When I introduced her to my mother and we left for the bus stop, she said my mother didn't greet her the way she expected her to greet her.

I invited her to a family function and she sat by herself and did not mingle with the family, and she always wanted money from me. Whenever she wanted money and I said I didn't have it, she told me I have to find it. My present girlfriend is helping me to build our house.

Pastor, I don't know what is happening to me. When I go to my girlfriend's place, her parents give us time by ourselves and we even have privacy to have sex. I fell asleep at her house one night after we had sex, but I got up early in the morning to go home. When I was trying to leave, her father was already up and he mocked me and said, "Day light catch you, man." I am trying not to do that again.

What I am trying to find out, pastor, is whether you can do the wedding for us, on the last day of December 2017.


Dear M.L.,

I am sorry to hear that one of your sisters was raped, and it is unfortunate that she did not report it. I could understand that she was embarrassed and she thought she was bringing shame on her family. Every rape should be reported. I hope that even at this stage she would seek professional help. Every rape victim should receive professional counselling.

You seem to have come from a very close family. Your former girlfriend could not fit in because she didn't think highly of family life. She came into the family not because she genuinely loved you, but perhaps to get what she could.

I am glad that you now have a good girlfriend who is working with you, and I hope that very soon the house that both of you are building will be liveable. I will be very glad to officiate at your wedding. Call my office at 929-1667 and speak to my assistant.

I wish you well and I look forward to hearing from you.


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