Christian women can't find good men


October 20, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am a Christian and I have never been married. Most of my friends are Christians, too, and we hang out together, but they are not married. Some of my friends who are married are not happy.

Some say they wish that they did not get married so soon. Some rushed into marriage because they did not want to fornicate, and they did not want to have children outside of marriage.

One of my unmarried friends told me that her boyfriend got an erection every time he touched her or she stood close to him. And after they got engaged, it was worse.

He did not want her to do anything against her will, so they moved up their marriage date. Now, she wished she did not get married to that guy because they are not happy.

I am not looking for a husband. I am presently dating a guy, and so far he is a gentleman. He is in charge of the youth department of our church, and everybody knows that we are seeing each other.

We try to be discreet, but we go out together and he takes me home at a reasonable time. Although I am 22, when he comes to the house to take me out, he tells my parents the approximate time that I will be home.


I have girlfriends who swear they will never get married, because they are not prepared to marry just any man. Some of these men do not have ambition.

They are in the church, so they think that the girls have a right to look at them first, and not date men who are not in church. Some of them even tell lies on the girls who refuse to go out with them.

What do you think a girl can do if she is in a church and she does not like the guys who like her? Some of the girls are more educated than the guys.

These girls laugh and talk with the guys, but they will never marry them because they are not educated. What can these girls do?

Pastor, another thing. I come from a church where the older people criticise the girls when they dress up and do their nails and their hair, and so on. They criticise them when they wear pants. Some of my friends have left the church because of that.

I would like to hear your comments on these things.


Dear C.H.,

Let us face facts. Single life can be very challenging, especially for Christians. Some people believe that Christians ought not to have fun, but they are wrong.

One could enjoy clean fun, and it is the responsibility of the church to organise activities for its young people.

Church should never be boring. Young people should not have to be looking outside of the Christian community to find their mates. There are enough Christian men and women for everyone.

A Christian girl ought not to lower her standard just because she wants to find a man.

It is indeed unfortunate that some members in the church believe that when the young people are dating, they equate that to mean that they are sexually active.

Sometimes they are indeed sexually active. But on the other hand, there are times when they are not, and it is wrong to say that everybody is doing it.

When young people love each other and are interested in getting to know each other, they should meet with their pastor and advise him that they are going out together and they like each other, so that the pastor would not be in the dark.

This is not premarital counselling; they are just learning how to relate to each other.

Premarital counselling is for a couple who have committed themselves to each other. A couple could be going together for a long time before they start to go steady.

When they are going steady, they are tempted to kiss and to touch and to embrace for a long period of time, and often their emotions get out of control.

This is a stage that they should try to avoid. When people are going steady, the engagement should take place and the wedding date and everything should be set, and everyone should know that within six months or less, the couple is going to get married.


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