Babyfather didn't tell me he went to prison


October 23, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I have a child for a man who went to prison. When I met him, he did not tell me that he had gone to prison. He spent five years in prison. I got to know his brothers and sisters, and it was after I got pregnant with his child that I heard he spent time in prison. I asked him, and he admitted it. I asked him why he did not tell me, and he said because he knew that I would not want him and that I would leave him.

We have a beautiful baby girl. I don't want to say what he went to prison for, but I don't love him as I used to when I first met him. And sometimes I am afraid of him, although he has never threatened me. He watches me a lot. He wants to know where I am all the time. I have never cheated on him, but I can if I want to.

He told me that if I am going to leave him, I should give him our baby, and he would give the baby to his mother. I don't want to give up my baby. I can take care of her on my own. Whenever I refuse to give my body to this man, he says that I am refusing him because I have another man. I have to force myself to have sex with him.

We are living together, but I want to leave him. Please, tell me how to go about it.


Dear T.H.,

Old-time people say, when you have your hand in lion's mouth, you take your time and draw it out. You have found yourself in a situation that you don't like. You met a man who did not tell you the truth about himself. You have not stated what crime your child's father committed that caused him to go to prison. Whatever reason that might have been, he served his time. The mistake he made is that when you met he did not tell you that he spent time in prison. He felt that you would not have had anything to do with him if he had told you the truth.

He operated like some married men who have met single women, and because they knew that these women were not likely to have an intimate relationship with them, they refused to tell them that they were married. And, often it, is after they have been with these men for a long time and have children with them that they become aware that the men were married.

You found out about this man after you became pregnant with his child. As I see it, whatever the man had done, he has paid the penalty of the crime. However, if it is a matter that you do not love him, you should tell him and move on. Don't force yourself to love him. If you do not love him, tell him that it doesn't make sense for both of you to try and force to love each other.

If your parents will allow you to return home, do so, but do not leave your child behind. Try and work out something with him so that he will have visitor's right. If you cannot agree, go to court and settle the matter. Make sure that you retain a lawyer.


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