Planning to marry another man's girlfriend


October 23, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old and I read your column regularly. I graduated from high school and I am working. I hope to join my parents very soon before I am 21 years old. My parents have been supporting me, and I am living with one of my uncles and his wife.

I have a girlfriend, but she is much older than I am. Both of us try to hide our relationship because both of us are Christians, and we attend the same church. When we are at church, we hardly talk to each other. Nobody suspects us because she has another boyfriend, and he is 30 years old. She is 25 years old.

She gives me good advice. She doesn't want me to leave Jamaica. She says she feels that she is wasting time with her boyfriend because he has only promised that he would marry her, but she doesn't know when. Every month when she gets her pay, she gives me $6,000. Out of the money that she has given to me, I saved $25,000 over a period of a year because my parents send me money. She buys me nice things.

My uncle suspects that both of us are in love. He doesn't attend our church. He tells me that I should be careful.

Pastor, when I am going away, I am going to tell her that she shouldn't worry because I will come back and marry her. I don't want to tell her that now, but that is what I have in mind.

This lady does not like to hear me talk about going to live with my parents. Do you think she is too old for me? She is a good math teacher and she has helped me with my math. I owe a lot to her.


Dear R.T.,

The only problem I have with what you have said is that this young woman has a boyfriend. I don't know how long they have been going together, because you have not said. Evidently, this woman has been very good to you. She loves you, and you love her. Both of you attend the same church, and she respects you and you respect her.

You said that your uncle knows that you and this lady are friends and he has been given you advice. I hope that you would not allow this woman to cause you to take your mind off going to the US. Your parents have been trying their very best to help you. Let nothing or no one deter you from going abroad and getting an education.

I repeat, I realise that you love this young woman, but it would not be wise for you to make her a promise that you would return and marry her. You can never know what will happen when you go abroad.

This young woman is not too old to be your girlfriend, but I know for sure that you are not ready to get married to her. I wish you well.


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