Husband becoming a drunkard
I am feeling confused. I am 35 years old and I have been married for five years. My husband got involved at his workplace, and he was advised either to resign or be fired. He resigned in a hurry.
He went away to take shame out of his eyes, and after six months he came back to Jamaica. The children kept asking when he would be home, and whenever he called, he told them that he would be home soon. He came back to Jamaica without a cent.
My parents were the ones who helped me to pay the mortgage. I could not tell them why he left Jamaica. Until now, they do not know the full truth. My husband came back a changed man. He never used to smoke or drink, but now he is drinking, smoking and staying out late at nights.
I demanded the truth from him. And when he wanted to go out, I stood in the way, and he threatened that if I didn't allow him to go or move from the door, he would push me down. So, I got out of his way. I can't believe that getting fired (although, he resigned) would affect him so much. He told me that he does not feel like a man because he cannot take care of his family.
How can you help me, Pastor?
First of all, I would like to say that I am sorry you haven't mentioned what your husband did that caused his employers to ask for his resignation. But it must have been something very bad. I am going to beg you to stay with him. You know that he was a good man and now he feels that the world is against him.
You have a mighty big job on your hand to convince this man that you are not going to leave him if he is willing to seek help. First of all, he must recognise that he has a problem, and he must not believe that everyone has turned against him. Let him know that he ought not to hate himself, so his attitude towards himself and the world has to change.
He ought to seek professional help. He may talk to a pastor who is a family counsellor. Don't ask him to talk to family members on your side. He may believe that they are all ganging up against him. Find a pastor who is trained in family counselling. Try to get him to church.
Purchase non-alcoholic beverage and have them in the refrigerator. When he feels for a drink, tell him he should have the drinks that you have provided for him. Spend more time with him alone, but have family time and engage in games that everybody can play at the house, especially on weekends.
It might be difficult, but please, do not condemn him. Assure him that there is hope for him, and although it is difficult for you to pay the bills without his help, you are willing to do so because you believe that a change will come. Don't take his cigarettes away.
He needs to experience lots of love from you. It might be necessary for you to seek some help in learning how to deal with this man. But, I say to you again, don't give up on him.