Wife had sex with my cousin on our bed


October 28, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 years old. My wife and I have been married for three years now. We have five wonderful kids. Before we got married, she cheated on me three times. The first time she cheated was before she got pregnant with my first son. The guy she cheated on me with was her ex-boyfriend. She then told me that she was sorry and that she was asking for a second chance.

I forgave her and moved on. She cheated on me with him again, and came back asking me for one more chance. I said OK, and took her to Westmoreland, where I am currently living. One day I was coming from work, and I heard people saying that I am an idiot. My brother and sister came and said that my girlfriend is giving me bun whenever I am not at home. I called her in front of my sister and asked her if it is true that she is cheating on me, and she started to cry and said yes.

I then called my cousin with whom she was cheating on me, and asked him if it was true, and he said yes. So I asked where it happened, and he said in my house and on my bed, where my wife, our son and I sleep. I got married to her four years after that happened. I was hoping that I could put what she did behind me, but I was wrong. Seven years have passed, and it is still bothering me.

I am not in love with her anymore because of what she did. Now I have found someone who I am in love with, and this person loves me too. I want to be with her because she makes me happy. My wife doesn't make me happy. My girlfriend understands me, and she cares about me, and wants the best for me. But because I am married, she doesn't want to be involved with me. I want to leave my wife to be with her. My wife has done a lot of other things, other than cheating. We argue about the simplest thing, and I am sick of it. I am the only one who is working at the moment, and she doesn't make me feel like she appreciates what I am doing. I appreciate her because she cooks, washes, and cleans, etc, but I can't find that love that I had for her in my heart anymore. She is just like a friend to me. In other words, she is just my children's mother.

So, please, I am asking you for your advice. What should I do? Should I leave her and be happy, or stay with her and be unhappy forever? When I leave work for home, it is like I am afraid to go home. Please, I need your advice.


Dear D,

It is unfortunate that although you were aware that this woman was cheating on you, you ignored the fact and married her. She did not deny that she was cheating. I do not doubt one bit that you loved her, and the love you had for her caused you to ignore all that you were aware that she was doing. You forgave her.

You see, brother, love is not only the criteria for marriage. People say that they have to do so and so because they are in love. This woman was aware that you loved her, but that did not prevent her from cheating on you. She was shameless because she cheated even with your cousin. You are a remarkable man because you have lived with her for all these years, but you never regained the trust you had in her again.

Now, some people are going to question why you want to leave her now. And I know the answer you are going to give is that you have fallen out of love, and you thought that her cheating would not have affected you for so many years.

I am not going to tell you to stay with her or to leave her. I know you have another woman in your life. What I am going to suggest is that you seriously consider what you should do and make an appointment to meet with a family counsellor. This is a decision you will have to make without anyone telling you what to do. And whether you go or stay, no one should condemn you. Please, be assured of my prayers and let me hear from you again.


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