Can't move on from my past heartaches


October 30, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I moved out and left my boyfriend because I did not like my mother-in-law.

We were living in their house because he did not have a place of his own. I knew he was cheating because in less than a month after I moved out, another girl moved in.

The girl was a friend of mine, who, at one point, agreed that she should be our child's godmother. She was also his friend.

I noticed some calls and text messages coming in on my boyfriend's phone from her late at nights and it became a problem for me.

I confronted him about the calls and text messages. I swear there was nothing I didn't do for this guy or his mother.

It's not like I do not have faults, but it is a shameful thing when a friend starts to date your man and be up front with him.

By trying to ease some of the pain, I went to bed with her child's father and I thought by doing so, the man she took away from me would end the relationship with her, but that didn't happen.

They started to post pictures on Facebook, and even went places together.

I found the courage to let go a bit, but just to find a little peace. I tried a work programme and, trust me, when I got the call to go overseas, I said immigration had to catch me before I looked back.

My biggest problem is moving on. I have been with three different men since I am here and the one that I'm with now is older than I am. I think that he is the one I love.

Now, this man swept me off my feet without knowing it. He treats me well, he respects me and would give me the world, except the ring.

He is 58 and I am 26. Because my stay has expired, I need to get married to be able to reunite with my family. He said he'll help me in any way possible.

He said that he will help me to pay for the marriage and put the paperwork in, but he won't marry me.

We go places together. Most of his friends know me. I just can't seem to find a way or don't know what to do for him to change his mind.

Friends and family say that I should stick with him, while some say I should run him away because he is a user.

I pretty much know that I'm not the only one, because when I go to his place, I see women leave traces behind, like underwear and make-up.

The truth is, I am still hurt from previous relationships. I would like to try someone else, but I just don't know where and how to start.

I've been suffering from depression for years now and this has me not sleeping.

I really need some good, tough or rough advice. Thank you.


Dear M.G.,

You made some big mistakes. The first mistake is that you should not have gone to live with this man in his mother's house.

Your very close friend always had an eye on your child's father, so when you left his mother's house, she used that as an opportunity to become intimate with him.

He was not a man of principle, so he found it easy to go to bed with her. But by getting into fights with her, and worse, sleeping with her babyfather, that was also a big mistake.

You have to put the past behind you. If you don't, you are going to allow depression to get the better of you and you may end up very, very ill.

I sympathise with you. You are trying to escape your problems and that is why you are abroad trying your very best to have a man to marry you to help you gain permanent status.

Of the three guys you have had relationship with abroad, he is the best. You know he has other women; you can see evidence of that when you go to his house.

It is going to be difficult for you to accept that. You have not been able to persuade him to marry you, but I say to you, keep praying.

Keep trusting God to give you a man who would respect you, love you and marry you so that you can have peace of mind.

I wish you well. You don't want to come home unless you have permanent status in the US. I can't encourage you, however, to continue to break the law. Talk to an immigration lawyer.


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