Worthless boyfriend stifling my dreams


November 09, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I have a beautiful three-month-old daughter, and she means the world to me. I am in my late 20s, but I was not ready for a baby when I got pregnant.

In addition, my child's father and I were on the verge of breaking up. I live with him and was planning to move out.

I am still living with him at his parents' house. He is a great person with a good heart, but I think he has fallen out of love with me. He doesn't want us to be apart, though, because of our baby.

He is very mean to me. He doesn't support me in any of my endeavours, and he doesn't seem to want anything for himself.

His family has assets. Whenever I try to get us to do things together, he says that we are different people and want different things.

I bought a car that he is driving now because I am home with our child, and he has never contributed to the loan payment, insurance, or anything for that matter, towards it.

I am from a humble background, but I did well in school and was fortunate to get a good job. I have been putting things in order to have a good life for myself and to help my mom. Things were going well.

My position was made redundant while I was on maternity leave. I am having an opportunity to be hired by a firm, provided I pass the interview.

This firm only hires individuals with first class honours degree, and many of us, including myself, would not have been given a chance if we had applied on our own.

The only downside is I have to relocate, and I have no family or friends in this new area.

I am thinking about leaving the baby with her father since they will be sending me back to school to do my professional exams.

Also, rent is very expensive in that area, and it would be cheaper to leave her and get a studio for myself.

He and his family acknowledge that the job would be a great opportunity for me, but they are against me leaving or taking the baby.

They prefer me staying and finding a job close to home. He is warming to the idea of me following my dreams, after I explained the facts of our relationship.

To be honest, I really don't want to leave my baby, but this is an opportunity to make life better for both of us. I know some day I am going to be a single mom.

If I let this opportunity pass, I may never get it back. Should I leave my baby to pursue my dream? I will be three and a half hours away from my precious girl. Please let me know your thoughts.


Dear Anonymous,

You should never let a man stifle or hinder you from pursuing your dreams. Having a child should not prevent you from pursuing your dreams.

Many women who have done well have had to learn to balance their career and motherhood. It is not easy. Some of them were never married and they did not have supportive men.

I will never suggest that you leave your daughter with her father. Wherever you are going, you should take her with you.

Although her father might have good intentions, he cannot do as good a job as you. The tender care that you can give to this child, her father would be incapable of giving to her.

If you have to leave your baby, let your mother, take care of her. She is capable. She took care of you and you have turned out to be just fine.

You should discuss the matter with your mother and don't tell me that your mother does not have the convenience to take care of her little granddaughter.

She will make that convenience and maybe spoil her with love. You may find that the best thing for you to do is to put your daughter in daycare during the day and pick her up in the evening. If that is what it is going to take, do so.

Don't turn down the offer to go to school, and don't allow this man to ruin your life. Whether you get married or remain single, you have to be in a position to pay all your bills and send your child or children to university without the help of this man who has not demonstrated that he is a person who cares.

Spend much time in prayer and ask God to lead you. I will be praying for you, too.


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