Wife insists on having out her lot


November 14, 2017

Dear Pastor,

It is time for me to seek your help and advice. I always read the Star. I have old copies of your column.

I am a married man. I have five children, and it is hard. My wife is not well, and I do not want us to have any more children. My wife would be surprised to know I am asking for advice, but as I said, I do not want any more children. My wife is much younger than I am.

My wife is not working and we are paying a mortgage. Two of the children are in college, and my sisters are assisting me with them. It is tough, but we don't go to bed hungry. If we were using birth control, we wouldn't have so many, but my wife's family are strong Christians, and they told her to have out her lot. So, we have ended up with five.

I am not insisting that my wife should tie off. I am considering doing a vasectomy, but I do not know if it is wrong to do so. I am seeking your advice as to whether it is wrong for me to do so.

Please, give me some scripture to help me.


Dear F.T.,

Let me make it easy for you by asking you whether you believe that it is God's will for your children to be well supported and cared for and if you believe that the responsibility belongs to you. Why would you have more children than you can adequately support? Do you believe that your children should live in poverty and not have proper medical care? Would you not want your children to be well educated so that they can have good jobs and make valuable contributions to society? I am sure you do.

Then, as a responsible father and the breadwinner, you must have the number of children you can adequately support and no more. As a father, you will have to spend quality time with your children. The role of a father is much more than just bringing in a pay cheque at the end of the week. The father must spend time with his children. If he fails to do so, the children may grow up without much supervision and may even become social misfits and criminals.

Have the vasectomy, sir. Remember, sex is not only for procreation; it is intended also for pleasure between married couples. You don't have to tell friends and relatives what you are doing or have done. It is none of their business. You may find that after you have done this operation, sexual relations may be more enjoyable with your wife, because her fear of getting pregnant would have been removed. Also, remember that this operation is considered permanent.

You wanted me to give you some scripture. Read First Corinthians 7:3-5. Read Song of Solomon 1:13 and Song of Solomon 2:6. These verses speak of the pleasure of lovemaking between a husband and a wife.

I wish you well, dear sir. Don't ever think of burdening your wife with another child. She can't deal with that.


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