Husband doesn't want my daughter to see her dad


November 15, 2017
Couple in trouble *** Local Caption *** Couple in trouble

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am married, but I had a child before I was married. This child is not for my husband.

He took me and he promised that he would stand by me and he also told me not to take any money from her father. He said that he wouldn't want any man coming to his house.

My daughter is 10 and she is always asking when she can see her father.

I allowed her to call her father and my husband was very upset about that. I explained to him that the girl is old enough to talk to her father.

That does not mean that she would not respect him as her stepfather. He said that before we were married, he told me that I shouldn't have anything to do with her father.

I sent my daughter to spend a weekend with my sister and my daughter told my sister that she would love her father to come and see her.

My sister did not tell me what my daughter said, but she called her father and told him that my daughter was with her, so he should come by and see her. He came by to see her and spent a long time with her.

My sister did not tell me what she did, but when my daughter came home, she was so excited. She told my husband and I that she saw her father and my husband was very upset. He quarrelled.

When I couldn't bear it any longer, I told him that he was behaving like a child. I said some hard words to him and he said if that is the way I see it, my daughter cannot stay with us.

I told him that if she had to leave, I would leave too. When he saw that I was serious, he backed off.

Pastor, I love my husband, but I cannot see why my daughter should not be allowed to spend time with her father.

He knows that I don't have any dealing with her father, but I am not against my daughter spending time with her father. I would not want him to come to where we are living.

My husband does not want her to say a word about him. Christmas is coming and she is looking forward to seeing her father. My sister says that she can come by her and she would allow him to visit her there.

I told my husband about the plan and he asked me if I am going to allow my daughter to break us up.

Pastor, I am begging you, please, to give me your advice.


Dear J.N.,

Your husband is a very simple man. He is not reasoning well. You understood him to mean that he would play the role of a father, but you could not have meant that the your daughter would not be allowed to spend time with her biological father, at no time at all. You would have been crazy to make that sought of agreement.

I think, however, your sister should have advised you that she was calling the child's father to inform him that your daughter was at her house and he could visit her there.

However, I doubt you would have had any objection to that. Your girl was happy to see her dad and she talked about it when she came home. Nothing was wrong about that.

I am sure you are happy to have your husband, but he has to learn to grow up. Allowing your daughter to see her father or to hear from him does not mean that he is going to take her away from you or your husband.

He should be encouraging the girl to call her father from time to time. He ought not to have threatened you and to tell you that your daughter should leave.

You have to stand up to this man, but at the same time, you should not be disrespectful.

He cannot believe that you want to return to your child's father. The suggestion from your sister about your daughter staying with her and her father visiting her is a reasonable one and I hope your husband would understand that nothing is wrong with that.

When the father is visiting his daughter at your sister's house, make sure you are not there. And if her father wants to take her out somewhere, ask her aunt to go with them.

Your daughter should not be allowed to go out with him alone. Of course, if this matter was taken to court, your child's father would be granted visitors' rights.

But it doesn't have to go that far if you cooperate and your husband does not stand in the way.


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