Don't like my stepmother's new man


November 21, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 and I am writing to you about my stepmother and her male visitor. My father died five years ago. I am his only child.

Two years before he died, my father got involved with a woman, which caused my parents to break up, and my mother went to live in the United States.

When my father died, my mother could not come to the funeral because she was not straight. But before my father died, the woman, who was supposed to be my stepmother, moved in.

She treated me well, and up to now, she is still treating me well. My father told me that the house belongs to my mother and me.

My mother sends money for me, and she also sends money for my stepmother.

They are always talking on the phone and my mother told me that I should have respect for her.

This woman told me that I must talk to my mother so that my mother would not ask her to leave the house.

When I spoke to my mother, she said that she wouldn't want her to leave because she has taken care of me since my father passed on.

I saw a man coming to the house and my stepmother told me that the guy likes her. I became upset because this guy has slept in the same room that my father used to sleep in.

I told my stepmother that it was wrong for him to sleep there because no man should sleep in that room. I was angry and I told her that my father slept on my mother's bed with her, but she shouldn't sleep on the same bed with another man.

She didn't say anything, but a week or so after, she told me that she saw that I was vexed and she was begging me to forgive her.

The guy is a soldier, and I don't like him because he came here and looked at me in a very sexy way. My stepmother asked me if I didn't want him to come back, and I told her that that was her business but that he must not sleep in my father's room.

Pastor, am I right or wrong?


Dear L.T.,

I commend your mother for the way she has handled the whole situation after the death of your father. It seems to me that she has forgiven the woman for contributing to the break-up of her marriage.

However, when your mother left you at age 10, this woman stepped in and played the role of your mother. Evidently, she loves you.

She did not abuse you in any way, and I am sure that your father was well pleased. And after he passed, she continued to take good care of you and became a very good friend of your mother's.

That tells me that your mother forgave her and that she has come to trust her.

Very few stepdaughters would speak so highly of their stepmothers.

You have a good mother. Although she left you at such a tender age, she has not abandoned you. She supports you. Your father was a wise man.

Although he was guilty of infidelity, he saved his money and he has left a house for your mother and you. I am hoping that this woman is wise enough to put away some money so that when the time comes for her to leave your house, she can purchase somewhere for herself.

I am glad that at your age, you were able to speak to your stepmother about her male visitor. She should not have allowed this man to sleep in your father's bedroom.

Perhaps she did not know that that would have affected you so much. I hope that you will not tell your mother about it.

Continue to show respect to the woman who has taken care of you since your mother left. And whenever you start to work, give her some financial help. She has been good to you.


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