Boyfriend told me to get an abortion


November 25, 2017
A woman holds a fetus doll in the palm of her hand.

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I am a regular reader of your column. I am 19 years old, and I grew up in a Christian home. I go to church every Sunday. I teach Sunday school. I have a boyfriend. He is not from our church. He has a good job. He is 26 years old. He wants to know everywhere I go. Sometimes he talks to me as if I am a little child.

Every weekend he goes to a different party. He takes me to clubs. I do not like to go clubbing, but he says that if I don't go with him, he will have to go with another girl because he does not want to go alone. I went to a club with him, but I couldn't let my parents know that was where I was going. When I told him that I couldn't tell my parents where I was going, he said that I should remember that I am 19 years old.

not ready to leave home

This man is trying to encourage me to leave home, but I am not ready to do so as yet. He is living alone, and every time we go out, he takes me to his house to have sex. I threw away one pregnancy for him. I don't want him to get me pregnant again. When he got me pregnant, I was not happy, and he was the first to suggest that I have an abortion. When he told me to have an abortion, I asked him why, and he said he did not want any children before he was married because bad luck would follow him. At the same time, he is not ready to get married.

I don't know what this man thinks of me. He knows that I am a church member, and he is criticising my church and saying to me that I need to have more fun. I love him so much, but I am confused.


Dear B.L.,

If this man loves you, why did he encourage you to terminate the pregnancy? Furthermore, he used the stupid excuse that he wasn't ready for fatherhood and he didn't want to have a child outside of wedlock because bad luck would follow him. That was nonsense. As I see it, he just wants to use you as often as he can. And, one of these days, he is going to dump you.

You do not like to go to clubs, therefore, he should respect how you feel and take you somewhere else on dates. He is not such a good man. He is 26 years old, and you are 19. He should not believe that because you are only 19, he can order you around.

Frankly, I don't like this relationship. I believe that you can do better. You have not mentioned school. I hope you are attending school and pursuing a career. Make sure this man does not get you pregnant again. Have a little talk with a family counsellor, but begin by talking to your mother. A girl your age should be able to discuss her problems with her mother.

Sometimes, when a girl loves a man, she can't think or see clearly. Discuss everything with your mother, and get some guidance from her. I wish you well.


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