He wants to pray before sex


November 28, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am having a problem with my boyfriend. He is 25 years old and he does not believe that for the last two years I have not had sex. I lost my virginity when I was 18, and it happened with a man I did not love. He was much older than me and he took me out one night to buy chicken. When we sat down, he ordered two beers. I told him that I have never had beer and he said that it would not hurt me, so I drank half of it. Before we left, he said that I should drink the rest so I drank it.

I then found myself at his house. He had his own room that he was renting. I begged him not to have sex with me because I was a virgin. He said he always wanted to have sex with a virgin. I don't know what happened to me, but I fell asleep. I slept for about two hours. When I woke up, I felt him fondling me until I gave up and we had sex.

He used a condom, so I was not worried about getting pregnant. I never went out with him again because I did not expect him to force me to have sex with him.

I had to lie to the people I was living with. I was boarding with an old couple and they had to let me in when I got home. This guy gave me $2,000 before he took me home. I told him that I didn't want anything to do with him again. I changed my number.

Now, there is this man who is in my church. We like each other. He is in charge of praise and worship. I refused to have sex with him, but he has some strange beliefs. He told me that he believes that we have to pray before we have sex. I asked him what would the prayer do and he says that he has to give thanks for everything. I told him that that is weird and he said that it is not weird to him.

So I have decided to ask you, if a couple is married and they are about to have sex, whether they should pray.


Dear I.P.,

First of all, I am sorry that the man who dated you when you were 18 years old forced you into having sex with him. You did the right thing by not continuing the relationship with him because the sex was not consensual and he took advantage of you.

Now, your present boyfriend is too holy (if anyone can be too holy). If one cannot be too holy, then he is definitely silly. I do not see the reason why a man and his wife have to pray before they have sex. What are they praying about? Are they seeking a special blessing? Are they hoping that they will enjoy the act?

Your boyfriend is questioning whether you are still having sex with any other person. He needs to believe you, otherwise the relationship that you are having with him will not work. He is taking this thing too far. Both of you plan to get married, so I suggest that when you meet for counselling, you raise this matter with the counsellor.

As I see it, it is not necessary to pray.


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