I want to leave my abusive husband


November 29, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I have been with my child's father for 15 years.

When we just started out, our relationship was good. Around the fifth year together, he changed.

He became very abusive - verbally, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually.

I have decided that I want to give my life to God and go to church. His reply to me was that I should go along and have a sexual relationship with the pastor.

The abuse continues until this day. I am now in a good job. My child is 12 and is in high school. He is doing extremely well.

Pastor, due to the amount of abuse I've been through with this man, at one point I gave up on myself. I started to eat a lot, and gained a lot of weight.

I didn't have any friends or anyone to speak to. My family members thought all was well because I was not telling them what was going on.

I have now drawn closer to social media websites. I have joined these websites pretending to be a petite, beautiful, successful woman, and I have carried this on, 'catfishing' men for over five years.

end slackness

I have never tried to meet any of them. I only needed the friendship, the love, the care and the comfort and I was getting all that from them until I decided that I needed to end this slackness.

I went down on my knees and I prayed to God. I cried to him, and I asked him for his forgiveness and for him to show me the right path I needed to travel to make a major change in my life.

And, pastor, God did. I started to exercise, I started to eat less, I deleted my social media profiles, I got a job and found myself again.

But the abuse continues. I was home one day and I decided to sign up on a website again, this time only to be myself.

I was contacted by a few persons. We chatted. I have met a few in person and have good friendships.

Now, this is where I'd like your input, pastor. I met a young man on the website a few years ago. He wanted to have a relationship and I told him I was only there for friendship.

He was 20 at the time. However, he insisted on an intimate relationship. We stopped communicating for a while. Pastor, earlier this year we started communicating again.

He is now 23, and I should honestly say that I have considered starting a relationship with him.

We have a long distance relationship. We travel back and forth to see each other. He does not know that I am still living with my child's father.

I am still getting abused. I am still thinking about giving my life to God.

Do I need to continue this relationship with this young man that I am with?


Dear T.,

If you were honest with yourself and wanted freedom, you would have ended the relationship with your child's father long ago.

This man sees you as a joker and one that he can get around all the time. So, he abuses you, tells you whatever he feels and disrespects you.

You don't have to be with your child's father, or any man for that matter, if you seriously want to serve God.

The Bible says that everybody will have to give account for himself.

You have pretended that you are free but at the same time, you are still living with your child's father.

Therefore, you are deceiving the young man and it is not right to deceive. If you want to stay with your abuser, do so, but do not give the young man the impression that you like him and that both of you have a future together.

You have a child, but that child should not grow up in an abusive home. It would be better for you to leave this man and be on your own.

You are working, therefore you can pay your own rent and support yourself.


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