My marriage is like hell
I need prayer, and loads of it. I have faith in God, and I pray every day for him to strengthen it. But, I am at my wits end with problems from my husband and I don't know what else to do. He hardly comes home. He is involved in so many unjust things. I am 33, and he is 52 years old. He is the second man for me.
When I met him he was a gentleman, but over the years he has changed so much that it worries me. Sometimes I feel like putting a stop to my life. Honestly, I do, but then there is a voice that tells me no. He tells me that he loves me every day. His action tells me more than his words.
Pastor, people can carry a lot inside their head, and when others look at you from outside, they wouldn't know exactly what's running through your head. Well, I am such a person. It's the first I have ever told someone exactly how I am feeling, and even spoken about my problem. I cry so much, only God knows how I feel.
I have been married for eight years, but it is a marriage of pure hell. Sometimes I don't sleep for nights, and in the wee hours of the night, just to get away from my troubles, I drive all around. I know that it is dangerous, but this is one of the times that I say to myself, "it doesn't matter if I die". I only wish I could get some help just to be at peace, knowing that someone cares for me. As I am writing to you now, I would very much love to get a reply from you. I would like my life to be strengthened and to have courage and faith in the Lord.
Thank you very much for reading my letter.
Please, don't give up. Your husband tells you that he loves you and perhaps he means it. But he does not know how to make you happy. You have not said that you are unable to pay your bills. You seem to have emotional problems. Sometimes he does not come home at nights. The question is, why not? And where is he? Although you have not said it, you believe that he has another woman. You should not allow his behaviour to get you so depressed that you contemplate ending your own life.
Believe it or not, it is better for you to take steps in strengthening your relationship, and if all efforts fail, divorce your husband. But taking your own life is a no-no. That is not something to even think about. Have a talk with your husband. He already knows that you are unhappy. Tell him that you would like both of you to make an appointment to see a family counsellor. If he is not interested in going, then you should discuss this matter with a lawyer.