Can't stop cheating on my husband


December 18, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am a 25-year-old married woman who is having an extramarital affair. I have always said that I would never commit adultery, and now I keep wondering how I got into this situation.

My husband is a fairly good spouse, and he always said that he would never forgive me if he found out that I cheated on him.

This affair has been going on for less than four months and it is with my neighbour, who lives across the street from us.

I believe my lover is my soulmate. He understands me totally and always knows what I am thinking. He fulfils all my needs, especially emotionally. I love him so much. I can talk to him about anything.

On the other hand, my husband is a homebody. If I want to go out, even if it is with him or our close friends, there is a quarrel. Sometimes I defy him and go out and end up not enjoying myself.

He does not even buy me gifts for any occasion - not even on our anniversary, and we have been married for almost four years.

I try to prick his conscience by doing the things that I would like him to do for me, but he still doesn't care. I do not have any problem communicating with him.

After endless talks, he still doesn't care. Sometimes he laughs even when I tell him that it tears me apart.

He takes me for granted. He doesn't even help with the household chores, and we both work full-time.

Instead, he creates a mess, then he lays before the television, listens to the radio or reads the newspaper. If I ask for help, he verbally abuses me, then drives away. I am at my wits' end.

My lover and I feel terrible about what we are doing and need your advice. We want to be together, but not in this way. I do not know how to break off with my husband.


I am even afraid to approach him face to face because he has been physically abusive to me in the past. He jokingly told me that if I cheated on him, he would chop me to death.

My family adores my husband; you are the only one that I can share my problem with. My mother said she would never forgive me if I broke up with him, because he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I blame myself at times for this predicament because I was the one to pressure my husband into getting married to escape a physically abusive father, who I lived with at the time.

My husband is 27 and we do not have any children.

Please, help me. I await your advice.


Dear Distressed.,

Break up your folly ground. If you don't, your husband may destroy you. He has been warning you that if you were to have an affair, he would kill you.

I can see that he has not been a sensitive and loving husband. Nobody should have to tell him that he should take you out occasionally and buy gifts for you on special days.

Break up this relationship with your lover. Your husband is capable of hurting you physically and may even do something very bad to the man with whom you are cheating.

Go to see a family counsellor alone. Tell him/her what is happening between your husband and yourself and beg the counsellor to meet with both of you at another time.

But, I repeat, go to see him before so that the counsellor would be well prepared and may have some suggestions ready to give to the both of you.

If your husband does not see the need to go to a counsellor, you should tell him that you would

prefer to end the relationship with him because you are not happy with him and, at least you are seeking professional help.

If he insists that he is not going for professional help, go and see a lawyer. But, keep away from your lover.


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