The man I borrow does not want to sleep out


December 23, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I need your advice on what to do. I met this man late last year and we became friends, but then we started hanging out and fell in love. What we feel for each other is genuine.

My problem is, he is married. And yes, I knew this before we got involved. He is having problems at home which I cannot talk about. We spend a lot of time together when he gets the chance, but I need more from him. When he visits me and then has to leave, it hurts.

Sometimes I wish he was brave enough to spend a night or two with me, but he complains that he cannot sleep out even though things are really bad at home.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with him because I think he is not trying hard enough. I know if he wants to sleep out he can. And yes, I might be sounding a bit selfish but I need him, too, even though I know he is a married man. He is financially supporting me right now and everything else is great. I fulfil his desires where his wife fails to do so. Where sex is concerned it's not a problem because he is awesome in bed. I just want him all to myself now.

I am reaching the point where I am finding myself being very resentful of her. Please tell me what to do. Do you think I should call it quits with him and find someone for myself?


Dear Unnamed,

I don't know what problem this man has told you that he is having at home that you can't disclose, but I know for sure that he is making a big fool of you. So much so that you believe that you have the right to demand that he should sleep with you and not go home at nights.

You are a very bold-faced girl. Here is a man who says that he loves you and you are giving him love and sex (which you describe as awesome) but as soon as he gets what he wants from you, he goes home. You are so silly that you can't figure out that this man is still having a healthy relationship with his wife and the reason he goes home is to keep his wife from suspecting that he is having an affair.


What he is carrying on with you is what can be described as hitting and running. He does his own thing with you, makes you feel special, gives you a little money and he runs home to the woman he loves much more than you. He doesn't want to do anything that would destroy his relationship with his wife. Whatever else he tells you why he does not sleep with you over-night is a lie.

May I suggest that you end the relationship with this married man. You want his money and he wants to be in a position to get under you skirt whenever it is convenient to him. You are going the wrong way, try to get yourself a job and pay your own bills.

I hope you will not be so foolish to call his wife and to tell her about the relationship you both are having. I expect this man to come around and even cry and beg you to stay with him, but bear in mind that all he wants from you is a little extra sex; perhaps just a little more freaky stuff from you that he does not get from his wife. There is no future in this relationship.


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