My 'jacket' child belongs to my mother's boyfriend


December 27, 2017

Dear pastor

I am writing you this letter with tears in my eyes. I am 19 years old and I have a child. My problem in life started when I was 15 years old, going on 16, and I became sexually active. At that time, I had two boyfriends, one was attending my school but the other was doing his own business, and he was giving me what my parents were not able to give to me.

We used to have sex every week, sometimes twice for the week. I was living with my mother and she knew what was going on. After she found out that I was having sex and I admitted it, she wanted to meet the man. I didn't tell her that I also had another guy at my school.

My boyfriend, who used to give me money, went away for three months and during that time I got pregnant, but I lost the baby. Some people said that I threw away the baby, but that was not true. Some people knew that I got pregnant, and when my boyfriend came back they told him and I denied it.

I was still living with my mother and my mother started to talk to a man and he moved in with us. One day he asked me for sex and I told him no. He told me that he was only with my mother, to help her but he can give me anything I wanted. He begged me not to say anything to my mother and I promised that I wouldn't, but if he gave me an expensive cell phone I would give him a kiss. He told me he would need more than a kiss.

Two weeks after, while I was cooking he came into the kitchen and came behind me and showed me a box. It was an expensive phone and he told me that whenever I am ready, he would be ready. Pastor, I was so stupid. I allowed him to come into my room when my mother was sleeping he started to fondle my breasts and kiss me and we had sex.

My boyfriend came back from abroad that same week and we had sex, too. And later on I discovered I was pregnant. I did not know who got me pregnant, so I told my boyfriend he did. The baby born and everybody can see that this child does not look like my boyfriend or anybody in his family, but he loves the baby. That man is still living with my mother and he told me that the baby is his. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend is taking care of us but my mother's boyfriend still offers me things and tells me it is not for me but for the baby.

Do you think I should tell my boyfriend that I cheated?


Dear N.C.,

People make mistakes in life. But there are some mistakes that are much greater than others. When you were in high school and fooling around guys, perhaps you did so because your friends were doing the same thing and you wanted to experience sex. You were promiscuous. Even in high school, you did not keep one boyfriend.

But suppose one could excuse you for what you did while you were in high school? What should one say about you now? Surely, you knew it was wrong to become sexually involved with your mother's man? True, he asked you for sex, and you said no. You should have reported him immediately to your mother, but you didn't. You kept it as a secret between the man and yourself. Then you promised to give him a kiss if he was to give you a phone. Right away you gave this man an opening. He knew right away that he got you.

When he came into your room while your mother was sleeping you could have said no but because of your slackness you allowed him to fondle you and to turn you on and he impregnated you. Say what you want, you are shameless and grossly immoral, and so is the man who is with your mother.

Your boyfriend accepted paternity because he believes that he is the biological father of the child. You know the truth and your mother's man knows the truth. Your conscience is eating you out, so to speak. I cannot tell you that you are to tell your mother what you did. She might become ill and your boyfriend might want to hurt you physically.

However, one of these days he may ask how is it the child does not look like him or anybody on his side of his family. Someone might tell him that the child looks like a 'jacket' and he might question you about it, and at that time you might suggest that a DNA test be done. He might so love the child that it would not bother him, so he may never ask. And if he doesn't, you should keep your mouth shut because of your mother.

I know that my comments might not please everybody, but that is the way I see it.


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