Older boyfriend doesn't want another child


January 05, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am facing a real problem and I need your advice. I am living with my boyfriend. He is 40 years old and I am 25 years old. We have one child together. He is self-employed, but I have a stable job. Although he is self-employed, he makes more money than I do. I am paying student loan, but he has no student loan to pay.

He gives me money every week to go to the supermarket. He likes to eat, so I have to shop every week. He likes fish, and fish is expensive. He had two children before we met. He does not want any more children, and that is creating a problem with us because I want another child. We can more than afford another child. He said that it is because of me why he got me pregnant, because he had his two already.

One child is not good enough for me. I would like to get a girl child, and the one I have is a boy. The two children my boyfriend has - one is a boy and one is a girl, and these children are with his mother. I don't want to trick this man and get pregnant because if I do, he may leave me.

He recently paid down on a three-bedroom house. I asked him what he is going to do with the spare room and he said it is for guests. Pastor, we won't have guests every week. This is a hard request, I know, but could you see us and discuss our problems with us? Perhaps he would listen to you. I love this man so much. But this time, I would like him to listen to me and to change his mind.


Dear N.W.,

What I would urge you to do is to try and get this man to marry you. Evidently, both of you love each other very much. You did not say whether this man was married before, but at least he has two other children and he is stable. He has paid down on a home. You should be very proud of him and not put any form of pressure on him.

Take good care of this man. Don't pressure him to get you pregnant. I would be very happy to meet with both of you. He has to learn to compromise. Perhaps he is thinking that at his age, he does not want to be burdened with another child. You may call my office and make an appointment for both of you to come and see me.


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