Sleeping with two different men


January 12, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am an 18-year-old college student who maintains a high GPA. I am also a Christian who plays a major role in church as a youth leader.

I have received a lot of good examples to follow and I also have a strong support system from my church and direct family, as I was grown by the church.

My mom is not around physically and my father does not wish to be a part of my life.

I need your advice, as I have realised that I've drifted away from God. I have a sexual relationship with a married man, and also a romantic and sexual relationship with a man 25 years older than I am.

My family is unaware of this, and so is my church. I know I am heading down a destructive path which I am trying to let go of.

Being around these two males, I am really comfortable. I've realised that I don't like males in my age group. I am really finding it hard to avoid either of them.

I know my actions are wrong, so I try to avoid taking part in church activities, but it's hard, as my actions are being questioned even though I haven't fully pulled away.

I just do not want to 'play church', but I also do not want my family and church to be disappointed in me.

I really want to know what I am supposed to do. I have decided that I want to get close to God again and stay there, but I really find it hard to drop these two males.

What is your advice, pastor? I want to know if it's possible for me to seek God and have him change what needs to be changed.

Thanks in advance.


Dear S.L.,

There must be a reason why you are having sex with these two men. You are 18 years old. Are you in need of money, and these men are meeting that need?

I wish you had given the reason. Whatever it might be, you don't like what you are doing. You are attending college, so you have needs.

You are with older men, so perhaps you enjoy being around men who are like father figures.

I am glad that you are doing well in college, but evidently, you are unhappy being in these two relationships.

Sometimes when a girl becomes involved with men, it is very difficult to walk away. Those who are outside and looking in may ask why it is that she cannot stop.

According to what you have said, the members of the church are not aware that you are sexually involved with men. And they don't have to know that.

What you need to do is spend a lot of time in prayer asking God to help you to overcome the desire that you are experiencing to have sex. Read your Bible and pray, but don't condemn yourself.

These two guys are married, so there isn't any future with them. It is not always easy to find men who will offer financial help to women without expecting something in return.

But please, do not misunderstand me. There are men who are quite willing to give to women who are in need without asking them for sex.

Try your best to have healthy relationships with men and women who are trustworthy and helpful, but are not looking for anything in return.

Let your Bible and prayer become more meaningful to you. I will be praying for you.


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