Husband behaves like a jackhammer in bed


January 16, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I got married one and a half years ago. Before I became a Christian, I had a number of men in my life. I would say at least seven. I have one daughter. My daughter's father was a good lover, but he was not a good father. If I could live by just having sex, we wouldn't have to break up. He would come to see me with empty hands. He would not bring anything for his daughter, so we broke up.

I started to go to church, and I got baptised and met my husband. He is twice my age. He gives me everything. I am not in need of anything. But when it comes to sex, that part is very poor. The moment he touches me, he removes my underwear and he is on top of me. I have told him many times to go slowly, but he doesn't listen. Sometimes he behaves like a man who is using a jackhammer, and then he is done.

I am not ashamed to tell you that at times I have to use my finger to help myself, and I told him that it is not right for me to have a husband and have to be doing that. I told him that we should go for counselling because I don't want to cheat on him. I am tempted to call my daughter's father, but I have held back.

Please, put something in your column so that I can show my husband what a man should do to get his woman in the mood for sex and satisfy her.

Pastor, I enjoy reading your column. Keep up the good work.


Dear R.M.,

The complaint that you have mentioned is not unique. Many women have said that their men do not realise how important it is for men to get them in the mood for lovemaking. As you have said, they jump on and jump off. The most sensitive sexual organ that a woman has is the clitoris, and some men fail to touch their women there. On the other hand, there are guys who know that when the clitoris is stimulated, the women are quickly aroused.

A man should not be in a hurry to have sex with his wife. He should put her in a relaxing mood and fondle her all over, and kiss her all over. And, by doing so, when he penetrates her she would experience orgasm.

It is said that you can't teach old dogs new tricks. But I would suggest that at least you should try to teach your husband what he should do to you. Take his hands and use it to show him where he should touch you. It might take him some time to learn, but hopefully he will.

Please, I beg you, do not yield to the temptation to call your child's father or any former lover to have sex with you. Stay with your husband, and if all efforts fail, make an appointment to see a family counsellor.


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