I want my man to beat me
I read your column every day, and I love the advice that you have been giving to all the people who write to you. Everyone can benefit or learn something from you. Please, keep up the good work.
I did not grow up with my parents. I grew up with my aunts and grandmother and a whole bunch of extended family members. However, growing up, people would always yell at me. I was also surrounded by a lot of fighting and cursing. It was always family fighting against each other. I think my childhood experience shaped me into the type of person I am today.
Because I grew up around people who fought and argued often, I have this mentality that in a relationship it's OK to fight and argue. I am always starting arguments with my boyfriend. I know that's not good. In addition to that, I am turned on by rough men. I feel like I would enjoy being in an abusive relationship. I know this is crazy. However, I am trying to change. I pray every day that God will help me to leave the past behind and help me to change the way I think.
Do you think I am scarred for life? I look forward to reading your response.
I thank you for writing, and I must say that although you did not grow up with your mother, you are privileged to be raise by relatives, and evidently they cared for you. It is true that the surroundings were not the very best. You heard unnecessary arguments and perhaps curse words, etc. The environment was not calm and peaceful, but you have turned out all right, so to speak.
And, looking back, you would have loved to have grown in a more peaceful environment. But you cannot change your past. What you can do now is to do everything in your power to help yourself to live in peace and to have a better future for yourself and your children.
For example, you might not have been taught certain values when you were growing up, but you are not too old to learn them on your own. Perhaps you have not had formal education, but you can go back to school, and you can set goals and objectives and work towards them. You can accomplish whatever you would like to be if you have ambition.
Concerning your boyfriend, you must learn to quiet your spirit. Do not be proud of picking fights with your boyfriend. Don't be cantankerous. No good man would want a woman who always wants to pick fights with him and to try to push him around. Regardless of how beautiful you are, if you are abusive, argumentative and hot-tempered, your man would not want to stay with you.
You say you would like to be in an abusive relationship. Too bad, you don't know what you are talking about. An abusive man can ill-treat you and cause you to be lame for the rest of your life. So get that out of your head right now. However, if this temptation persists, you should go and see a family counsellor, because this is a sign that you need therapy.