Confused about sex and marriage


January 24, 2018

Dear Pastor,

In our women's class in Sunday school our pastor's wife was teaching from First Corinthians 7:3-5.

She said that the church in Corinth had written to Paul on a sexual matter. The discussion was on sex and marriage. What did Paul say about a man and his wife having sex?

Our pastor's wife said that no woman should refuse to have sex with her husband, because it was decreed that sex should play an active part in a marriage.

The discussion became very lively. Some of the women said it is their body, therefore, their husbands should not demand sex from them if they don't want to have it.

Our pastor's wife said that even when she is not feeling well and she sees that her husband desires to have it, she facilitates him, and that puts him to bed and sets him at ease.

She said that sex is a natural part of the marriage bond.

Pastor, don't you think it is wrong for a man to want to have sex with his wife all the time? Don't you think that it is selfishness on the man's part to want to have sex all the time?

What does the Bible mean when it says that the husband and the wife do not have power over their own bodies when they are married?

What does it mean that the husband has power over his wife's body and the wife has power over his body? And what does it mean that sex should not be withheld from each other?

Pastor, do you believe that the man who does not satisfy his wife may cause her to cheat on him or the woman who does not satisfy her husband may cause him to cheat?

My husband cheated on me with my girlfriend and when I talked to him about it, he said that she was willing to have sex with him when I was not willing for three weeks.

Pastor, I was suffering from the flu for two weeks and I did not want to pass it on to him.

My out of order husband said that he did not have to face me to have sex with me. Since he admitted to cheating, I have not exchanged a word with this woman.

I even see her in church and pass her by without saying a word to her. I told my husband that he got away this time, but the next time it wouldn't be so because I know what to do to make his penis go dead.

My husband and I have been married for 15 years. She has come into our house and we have talked about my husband.

I knew she liked him but I did not know that she would try to take him away. I should have been more careful, because I knew that she had slept with another woman's husband and I kept quiet about it.

Now, I regret not doing so. People who see her would think that she is a good woman, but she is not. She needs to find a man of her own. She is not married.


Dear I.D.,

Let's begin with the comment your pastor's wife made while teaching the females in Sunday school.

When a man gets married, he has a responsibility under God to meet the sexual needs of his wife and she has a moral obligation to meet the needs of her husband.

No couple should deny each other of this need. It is clearly stated in the Bible that the only time a couple should abstain from having sex is when the couple is seeking to engage in something spiritual like prayer and fasting.

And even then, such abstinence should be discussed with each other. The Bible says that the period should be short and the couple should resume having sexual intercourse so as not to allow Satan to tempt either of them to have sex with somebody else.

You discovered that your husband cheated on you with a very close friend of yours. What a very silly excuse he gave.

I congratulate the both of you for remaining together. You have forgiven him because you love him, and this woman who came into your life should remain in the cold.

She should never be trusted again.

The truth is, although the Bible says that a man and his wife should please each other, it does not mean that regardless of the circumstances a man or a woman should always have his/her way.

A couple should always exercise restraint, and your husband didn't.

Your pastor's wife said that even when she is not feeling well, she tries to meet the sexual needs of her husband.

I would rather believe that every man should try to exercise restraint from time to time and if his wife is not well, it will give her enough time to get better.


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