Son does not know my boyfriend isn't his dad


February 12, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am one of your regular readers. I am 26 years old and I am living with a man. I wouldn't call him my boyfriend, because I don't love him. He is 51 years old.

When I met him, I was two months pregnant. I was standing at a bus stop. This man passed by and looked at me. In about an hour, he was passing again and he stopped to ask me if I was in trouble.

I asked him if I seemed to be, and I told him no. He is a Rasta man, and I don't like Rasta men.

I told him that my sister threw me out and that I didn't have anywhere to go. I told him that I didn't have any money. He said that I was lucky, because he was trying to find a girlfriend because his woman left him.

I didn't tell him that I was pregnant. I was scared, but when he suggested that we go to my sister's house to get some clothes, I took up the offer and went with him.

He lives in a half-finished house. He doesn't have children. When I told him that I was pregnant but I didn't know who the father was, he said that he would take the child as his own. The child is five years old now.

When I was living at my sister's house, I used to have sex with different guys, and they didn't always use condoms. I had sex with my sister's boyfriend for money to buy food to eat.

My sister told me that I had to buy my own food. When I met this man, he became my refuge, but I don't love him. I have a baby boy and I am not hungry.

He said that he doesn't believe in marriage, and I am glad because I couldn't marry a man that I don't love.

Pastor, what am I going to tell my son when he grows up? He is too young to know that this man is not his father.

I would like to go to school. This man said that after the bathroom and our son's rooms are finished, t he will be able to send me to school. He likes to call me his queen. He is very clean.

I don't cheat on him. I would like to go away if I get the chance. My mind tells me that he doesn't want to send me to school because he thinks I may leave him. He cannot read well.

V. L.

Dear V.L,

Regardless of what secret plans you may have, please do not be ungrateful to this Rasta man. He has been good to you.

You cannot force yourself to love him, but you should never forget that when you were in the dumps, this man picked you up and cleaned you up, so to speak, and gave you shelter. He has played the role of a father. He is a good man.

You son is now five years old. Why is it that you are not employed? You have not said what type of work this man does. I suspect that he is self-employed. You should be doing something to help yourself.

I hope that your son is attending school. Please don't keep him at home. He should be at least in basic school. You can work and send yourself back to school to learn a skill.

You had to use your body to survive before you got pregnant. Don't do anything stupid in the future. Don't be ungrateful to this Rasta man.

If the time comes and you want to leave him, tell him, and go your way peacefully.

If you believe that you may have to tell your son that this Rasta man is not his biological father, you may have to discuss that with the only father he knows - the Rasta man.

You may cause your son to see you as a prostitute before you met the Rasta man.


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