Can't find my babyfather
I am a big fan of your column. I find it very helpful, and that is why I have decided to seek your assistance. I am 21 years old. Two years ago, my boyfriend and I were in some problems.
I was sleeping with someone else for about a week or two, and in that period of time, I missed my period. I got pregnant. I told the guy that I slept with, and he said it wasn't his. He said that if it was his, I should get an abortion.
I told my boyfriend that I was pregnant, and I also told him that it might not be his. However, I registered the baby in his name. My son is one year old now and I am struggling financially.
I do work, but my pay is small and I only work on weekends. I have bills to pay. Anyway, my boyfriend and I aren't together, and for me to get even a cent from him for the baby, I have to sleep with him, so I avoid him.
I know that the baby isn't his, so I don't pressure him. But I can't seem to find the other man. He changed his number. The address he was living at wasn't his.
All I know is where he works, but because he works on shifts, it is hard to know when he is there. I want to take him to family court for maintenance of the child, but I don't have any information on his whereabouts.
I recently learnt that he is married and is supposedly a prominent person. I don't know who to go to or where to turn.
I don't need to tell you that you have been very careless. You are old enough to know that you should not have sex with two men at the same time.
It is sad that when you and your boyfriend were having problems, you did not seek counselling. When you got pregnant, the man told you that he was not responsible for your pregnancy.
So many girls have sex with men without even knowing their names and addresses. You know this man's name and address, but you didn't know much about him at all.
From what you told me (which I have withheld), he is a very wicked man. He can be described as a con man, and although he is working on shifts, his co-workers are apparently covering up for him.
They know what his hours are, but he probably told them not to divulge that to you.
If you are planning to take him to family court, you should employ an investigator to get the information you need about him. That is not very hard to do.
It may cost you, but in the long run, it would benefit you and your son. The question I want to ask you is: Are you very sure that he is the father of your son?
If you are, then have no fear. Take him to court and speak the truth.
In the meantime, I hope you can get yourself a better job. Make sure that you are not careless with yourself, and don't become pregnant again.