My man doesn't treat me right


February 23, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am a 35-year-old female. My man and I have been together for the past 10 years.

He does not trust me, but I have never given him any reason for him to be insecure. I have never cheated, although he has cheated on me many times.

Since we have been together, he has got other women pregnant. We were not living together when he got the first girl pregnant. I only found out when I went to visit him and saw this young woman at the house.

I realised that she was living there with him. He didn't admit that she was his woman, but I suspected that she was. He eventually admitted it.

He begged me not to leave him. He said it was a mistake and that he became involved with her because he was far away from me.

He was working out of the parish when he met this girl, and she was comforting him by having sex with him because I was not around.

I really love him and although I wanted to leave him, the love I have for him caused me to stay. He stopped having sex with her, but they remain friends because she was carrying his baby.

I have forgiven him, but it still hurts whenever I think about it, especially now. I am afraid of losing him and what we have built together as a couple. We had plans to get married.

I know that he loves me because he has said it many times. He told me that of all the relationships he has had, I have treated him the best.

Pastor, how should I deal with all of this? Sometimes I feel angry and sad. I have tried to make this relationship work, but I cannot trust this man again. Please, tell me what to do.


Dear T.R.,

You are a mature woman. This man is a playboy. He is jealous of you. He wants to keep you under his full control. He knows that you are true to him.

He should be proud of you and honour you, and try to please you in every way. But, he is not doing that. He is spending his time sowing seed any and everywhere, and then he comes to you and tells you so many lies and hopes that he can talk his way out of his troubles.

The best way to deal with this problem is to let him go his way. He has made his bed hard, so he should lie on it.

Both of you are not living together and whatever money you have spent together is gone. If you allow yourself to become further entangled with him, you may end up sick.

Whatever money you have spent on him, cut your losses and move on. I say cut your losses because he may never give any of that money back to you, because he doesn't want the relationship to end.

You need to get out of this relationship because this man is carrying too much baggage. You are only 35 years old. You have lost precious years with him, but you can start over.

I suggest, therefore, that you end this relationship with this man, and that you do so now. Don't allow another month to past.


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