Unwilling to marry the man who sent me to school


February 27, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am writing for your advice. I became involved with a man while I was in high school. He was accepted by my mother and others in my family. Money was not his problem. He took care of me, loved me and sent me to school. He also took care of members of my family. He paid all the bills for our home and for my parent's home. My brothers and sisters didn't have to suffer again, because he took care of them also. From high school, I went to university, and I did well. There is nothing I want that this man has not given to me.

But, Pastor, I don't genuinely love this man. This man would love to marry me, but I cannot marry him. I would like to have a younger man as my husband. I know that lots of people would say that this man is too old for me and that I should marry someone who is younger. He is a good man, but I don't want to marry him. What would people say if we should get married? They would think that I am too young for him.

Pastor, how do you feel about this relationship? Do you feel that I have used this man and I now want to go my way? Am I ungrateful? I would love to hear from you.


Dear Y.C.,

This man has been your lover for many years. He supported you through high school and through university. But he has not only been good to you personally, he has also been good to your entire family. You have not had to work. Everything has been provided for you. I get the impression that you are thankful to this man, and the only problem that you are faced with is his age.

I am sure that your mother would not object to your marrying to this man because he would continue to support her and perhaps your siblings. You have given this man's age. You have not said that you have been unfaithful to him. What you are concerned about now is whether it is right to marry him because he would like to marry you.

I have to tell you that I am not prepared to touch this one at all. And I will tell you why. You have not even once mentioned that you love this man. You have been with him because of what you can get. Please, understand that I am not attacking you. It is just an observation. Evidently, this man loves you.

If you know that you do not love him at all, if you were to marry him, you would be doing so out of gratitude. And I know that this would not be right. However, I can only promise you sincerely, that I will be praying that you will make the right decision.


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