Three men want to marry me


March 05, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I hope that you are doing exceptionally well. I think I wrote to you a long time ago, but I am writing back to you just for your advice. I have three men asking me to marry them. No, I am not sexually involved with them all, only with my children's father. We started having children when we were in high school. We have three daughters together. I am 31, and he is 32.

We have been together for 15 years. He has always had other girls with me, and if I say anything about it, he would beat me badly. After I had the last child for him, I told him that I can't live this way anymore, and without any hesitation he moved out of our home and moved in with an older woman. He avoided me and his children for one year, and during that year I got baptised and started to go to church.

While driving I had a flat tyre, and that's how I met the second guy. He helped me with my tyres and we exchanged numbers, but I didn't call him. Months passed and I bumped into him again. From there we became friends, and then we started dating. He is a very nice, loving and decent man.

Even though my babyfather is living with a woman, he watches me and causes trouble. Now, he has decided that he wants to come back and make things right with his daughters and myself. He is still cheating and is abusive. The second guy is soft, and he is scared of my children's father, and that's the only reason I am staying away from him.

A couple weeks ago, my childhood friend came to Jamaica. He has been trying to contact me over the time he was here, but I wasn't interested. He came, and I told him my situation with my children's father, and he proposed to me. Before he left, I told him that I will think about it. My children's father also proposed to me, but he beats me and cheat,s so I ignored his proposal. I told him over and over that I am finished with him, and he said that I can't leave him. My second guy keeps begging me to marry him and move in with him, but I told him to give me some time. I don't know what to do. I need your advice, please.


Dear T.E.

As I see it, your children's father has blown the opportunity that he has had for approximately 15 years. During that time, the only memories that you have of him are that he was an abuser and a cheater. No man should beat his woman, and that is what he has done to you many times. Then he finally embarrassed you by leaving you and going to live with an older woman. The question is: why does he want to return to you? He has shamed you in so many ways.

Concerning the man who assisted you when you had tyre problems, I am glad that you have found him to be a gentleman. He has proposed to you, but he has concerns. He knows that your children's father is behaving as a bully, and that he gives the impression that he has full control over you. You like him, and you have not rejected his proposal all together. You are wise in telling him to give you time to think. You need to pray about it. Your children's father is threatening you, and you should not take threats lightly.

You speak about your childhood friend who is living abroad and who has proposed to you. All these proposals should be brought to the Lord. But you need to go further. You should inform the police of the threats from your children's father and also to put this in writing to your lawyer.

You have not said anything about whether these men who are proposing are Christians. Be very careful how you enter intimate relationships with men who are not Christians. Ask yourself this question: which of these men do you love the most? That is very important. Your children's father is out of it; and please don't be afraid of him. The Lord is able to protect you.


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