She does not know what is good for her

by

March 13, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old. I finished university a few months ago. While I was in my second year, I met this beautiful woman. I felt an instant attraction to her. She was a year ahead of me. For weeks, our eyes were locked on each other, until one day, I built up the courage to talk to her. We hit it off, and, from then, things continued to go well.

She left school in 2016 and went back home to Montego Bay. After approximately two years in our relationship, things were so serious that we planned on getting married in 2019. I told her to start to save, and I told her that when I am through with school and I start working, I will match her savings for the wedding. I told her that when I am applying for a job, she should apply for one down south as well. But she didn't apply for work down south at all. She told me that she doesn't like Kingston or any other area in the south because of the crowd - whatever that means.

One year later, I have now completed school. And, suddenly, through the National Youth Service program, she got an internship at an organisation. she worked very well, and they took her on as a contract worker. However, I was a bit sad because I wanted her here in St Catherine. Yet, I was very happy for her because it could have led to permanent work with a better salary and benefits. So, I decided to look for work in St James so that I could be closer to her. I applied to schools and companies that suit my field of study, but I didn't get a job there. I did only one interview at a school, but there were still no jobs available. I wanted to marry this girl so badly. I became depressed and desperate.

She eventually became a permanent employee. Before she became permanent, I told her that I thought the distance would be a problem in our relationship. It seemed as if we were going to will break up. I felt hopeless.

Her mother texted me and asked me what was wrong, and I told her. Her mom sent me a voice note saying that I hurt her daughter and other stuff. angry words were said between us. My girlfriend said that I was using her mother as a scapegoat for my conscience. Her mother said I didn't plan to marry her daughter. She said I was cheating on her.

One important thing that hurt me was when her mother said that her daughter's life was being sorted out and said that I should go and sort mine out. She said that she had to lead her daughter in the right direction.

I don't want her daughter to leave her job for me, but she's a food chemist, and work in her field is easy to find. After a while, we got back together, and two months later that same girl said that the distance would be a problem and that she didn't know if the relationship would work.

Pastor, I am wondering if this girl is somewhat demented or just very immature. Even though we are talking again, I am always angry, even now. I feel like I don't love her. I want to leave her. I am so confused. Every time I talk to her, I feel angry just by hearing her voice. Yet, I still treat her like a princess. I don't think I will return to her house.

S.C.

Dear S.C.,

You write as if you would like to dictate to this young woman. You are blaming her for everything. You haven't looked at your life and blamed yourself for anything. It is this woman who is a stumbling block in your life. You say you love her, but, at the same time, you are also saying that you are always angry and you want to leave her. You don't believe that you are in love with her anymore.

As a grown man, you should tell this woman how you feel. I put it to you that if you were wise, you wouldn't have had an argument with her mother. That is a mistake. You are allowing self to get in the way. You shouldn't try to direct this young lady's life. Both of you have to try to reason together, and if you are not willing to allow her to make her own decisions, the relationship will not work. In fact, I don't see it working, but you can prove me wrong by going to see a family counsellor and moving on from there. But whether this relationship works, never try to control a woman.

Pastor

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