Some men are clowns

by

March 16, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I had read recently in your column about a university student who was pampered by a man. This man bankrolled her education, bought her a car, etc. When she was about to graduate, she wanted to dump him to marry another man in the US. Her mother cosigned on her ungrateful plans. I was not surprised; after all, they share the same DNA.

Nonetheless, she wrote to you asking for advice whether to inform him that she is moving on. You hit her hard with your 'sledgehammer', telling her to execute her own device.

On the other hand, perhaps you forgot to address the culpability of her 'victim'. I have nothing against a man treating a woman well. However, this formula should be executed with proper timing to see if the woman is worthy of the proceeds of his labour. Her letter did not imply that she has done anything for him to desire his profound generosity. She didn't say if she did anything like cleaning his house, cooking for him and so on. I have also observed the age disparity between them. Young girls usually have no romantic interests in older men. That is why he felt compelled to purchase her attention.

I will go further. A man should not behave as if he needs a woman more than the woman needs him. Virtually all women are mothers, and this is usually not by chance but by choice. It is a fact that some girls have such fine features that could cause a weak man's knees to buckle. That is why common sense should prevail, because all roses have thorns. This man deserves no sympathy because he has deposited more in this ill-fated relationship than he could possible withdraw. Therefore, he should have used more restraint.

N.F.

Dear N.F.,

You accuse me of hitting this lady with a sledgehammer. I did no such thing. I told her that she ought to make her own decision about whether she should continue in the relationship or go. I was not prepared to tell her to go or stay. That is totally up to her. She does not genuinely love him, but she is grateful for the tremendous help that he has given to her.

Evidently, you consider this man to be a fool. This man might have considered this young girl to be the love of his life. He couldn't read her mind. She might have seen the relationship as one with benefits. She knew that as long as she lived in his house, she had to make love to him. And even if she had to turn her face away while having sex with him, she would have done so because she had a plan. Call him foolish if you wish, but many educated men have fallen into this trap. And I insist that it is not fair to condemn these men who would take the chance of going with much younger women, because some of these types of relationship works, and not all young women use older men. Many genuinely love them, and they do not cheat.

This young woman wants to go. She doesn't want to marry him. I am not prepared to condemn her, neither am I prepared to condemn the man. She has to make her own decision, and I would ask you not to condemn either of them.

Pastor.

Other Tell Me Pastor Stories