Devastated that my boyfriend cheated on me

by

March 19, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for many years now. I never thought I would be in need of any advice for myself, but here I am.

I am 30 years old and I met a guy in 2013. We started a relationship soon after, as it turns out that we developed a very strong bond.

We not only became lovers, but we were also best friends. We grew so close together, going everywhere, doing everything together; we were madly in love.

We moved in together six months into the relationship. We even started trying to have a baby together within one year, but no luck.

We got engaged in 2015, and I eventually became pregnant in 2016 and we had a baby.

The problem I had with him was that he was always texting other people on his phone and exchanging nude pictures and videos.

When I found that out in 2014 and I spoke to him, he said he would stop doing so and it seems as if he had stopped.

It happened again in 2015, where I found out that he was texting many females and still exchanging nude pictures and videos, and again in 2016; only this time, I found one nude picture from a female in his phone.

Also, he is always deleting his messages to give me the impression that he has not been doing anything wrong. I only found out these things when I was helping him with phone issues because we even know each other's phone code.

I asked him if he ever cheated with any of the females and he said no, he just loves to talk to people and exchange pictures and videos because he has been doing it from he was young, as it gives him an adrenaline rush.

Pastor, apart from that issue, we had an almost perfect relationship, so I bypassed all this. Now we are happy with our newborn baby and happy with each other.

However, about one month ago, I just felt like he was hiding something from me because I noticed that when I speak about cheating, he always changes the topic.

I asked him if he has ever cheated on me and after a long pause, he admitted that he had cheated on me two times with the same person, once in 2015 and once in 2016.

Nothing has been the same since I heard that. I am totally confused, because we were at a point in our lives where we were to get married and live happily ever after.

I keep telling myself to stay in the relationship because he makes me very happy, and it happened before we had our baby.

Now my thoughts are: should I stay or should I go?

Or if I stay, should I cheat to let him get a taste of his own medicine? I need peace of mind.

I need my relationship to work but every time I look at him, all I see is a liar and deceiver. I'm literally going crazy.

I am trying very hard to work it out, but it is very difficult to deal with because I don't see any reason why he would cheat.

Please give me your advice.

In Turmoil

Dear In Turmoil,

I regret hearing that your boyfriend continues to cheat and as a result, you have lost confidence in him. I suggest that now that he has admitted that he is a cheater, both of you should make an appointment with a family counsellor and discuss the problem.

You will not regain confidence in this man overnight, and both of you should be prepared to attend many counselling sessions.

I hope that this man will speak the truth before the counsellor. I believe that you love him, and from the tone of your letter, you love him dearly. Do not delay in making an appointment to see a counsellor.

Pastor

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