Think my dead husband had an outside child
I am a regular reader of your column. It is my daily menu, I can't do without reading it. I know you. I have met you personally before, but I am not going to identify myself to you.
Maybe one of these days I may call you and tell you who I am. But, I have a problem and I want to bring it before you. I am married, but my husband passed away.
My husband and I had three children, but there was a rumour that he was having an affair with one of my friends. She was married.
I asked him about what I heard and he said people are telling lies on him. I half-accepted what he said because the woman was my friend and was married. I didn't have the courage to tell her what I had heard.
My husband became ill and passed away. This woman was at the funeral, like so many of my friends. She had a child about two years before my husband passed off.
Now that the child is growing into a fine young man, he is the dead stamp of my husband. This woman and I are still good friends.
I am not worried about her, but about the child that I believe my husband has fathered. I would like him to get a good education but his mother and her husband are not well off.
I have thought about it so many times. I have discussed it with only one person, my husband's sister. She, too, said that the boy resembles her brother and he walks just like him.
I have bought the little child gifts, including schoolbooks and so on, but I do not want to create any problems for myself; and I don't want to do anything that will cause her husband to beat her up or cause them to break up.
Pastor, what do you think I should do? Should I approach her and ask questions? Her husband accepts this child as his. Please, give me your advice and thank you.
Concerned mother and friend
Dear Concerned mother and friend,
I suggest that you leave this matter alone. Your husband is dead. While he was alive, you heard that he was having an affair with this woman, which he denied.
The woman with whom it was alleged that he was having an affair has never admitted that she was having an affair with your husband, and your husband denied that they were.
You are saying that the young child that she has resembles your deceased husband. His sister agrees with you. You believe that if this child was indeed fathered by your husband, you ought to assist the child because you are in a position to do so.
May I suggest that you do your best for this child without saying why? Surely, you can continue to help him by buying books and other gifts, but you may create problems, serious problems, too, by taking all the responsibility of supporting this child.
It would be wrong for you to meddle. By doing so, you could create serious domestic problems for the woman and her husband.
I hope that you understand what I am saying. Not everyone would agree with what I told you, but I know that what I have said is the correct way to deal with this matter.